Monday, June 13, 2011

Who'm I gonna call?

Ghost busters?

Nah.

I don't care about busting no ghosts.

But sometimes I'd like to call a ghost writer.

Not necessarily a ghost that writes but someone, anyone, who would be willing to write a blog post for me.

A good blog post.

One that is funny and quirky and clever and amazing.

With lots of ... ... ... 's so you'd think I wrote it myself... ... ...

...with maybe a few knock, knock jokes thrown in for good measure.

The reason I'm telling you this, is because on Sunday night I was laying on the couch...super comfortably. I had my legs up on the back of the cushions just so I could admire how thin my thighs look like that. I do that sometimes. When I'm watching inane TV.

Oh, don't act like you don't know what I mean. You do that, too. Don'tcha? Put your legs up on the back of the couch so the chunky part is pulled down by gravity and your thighs look all thin and shapely?

Don't you?

...

...

Really? I'm the only one that does that?

Alrighty then.

Moving on.

Back to the ghost writer part of this post.

So there I was, just chillaxin' with my thin thighs while watching Hungry Girl try to convince me that onion rings made with bran cereal and egg beaters taste just as yummy as deep-fried ones (quite possibly the reason why you never see Hungry Girl laying on the couch with her legs up on the cushion is because her thighs are thin and shapely from eating low calorie stuff like that!)...Hungry Girl makes me angry. Which makes me want to eat. So I'm not really sure why I watch that show to begin with, you know?

...

...

Where was I?

I got to thinking about those bran cereal onion rings and...

Oh...yeah...

There I was chillaxin', and Mr. Jenny came into the room and said to me, "What did you write your blog post about for tomorrow morning?"

Accck. Eeegads! I realized I had forgotten to write my blog post for Monday morning.

So I screamed, "Acccckkk!!!! EEEGADS! I forgot to write a blog post! What the heck am I going to write about?"

Mr. Jenny thought for a moment and said, "Well, maybe you should write about how I made Chipotle-Plum Barbecued ribs this afternoon."

"Wellllll..." I replied, "That was kind of a big event. And they were mighty tasty. Why don't you take a picture of the leftover ribs and I'll go start writing."

And Mr. Jenny said, "Welllll..., I kind of ate the rest of them while you were watching that show with the girl who makes food we don't eat."


And this is exactly why I need a ghost writer.

How can I write about ribs and not show you a picture?

A ghost writer wouldn't care about a picture of ribs. They would be brilliant and funny without resorting to telling you about strange onion rings and ways to make your thighs thinner WITHOUT diet and/or exercise.

They would close their posts with brilliant jokes.

Like this one.

Knock, Knock.

"Who's there?" you say?

Woo who.

"Woo who who?"

OMG! Run away fast. It's a ghost!


...

...

I'm sorry. That was an exceptionally groan-oriented knock-knock joke. Even for me.

I know it.

BUT!

It was the ribs.

Seriously.

The chipotle plum glaze went to my head.

Yeah, that's what happened.

...

...

I'm certain of it.

But I'm okay now.

I'm calm and in control, which is great, because I just have enough time left before I go to bed to...

sigh...

before I hit the publish button.

post signature

39 comments:

Theresa said...

I need a ghost writer too so I can respond with a clever witty comment! In the meantime, think I'll go prop my thighs on the couch cushion and fantasize about skinny thighs, ribs and onion rings.

Rosalind Adam said...

The lovely Robyn of Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com has suggested I might like to join your Saturday Centus group so I thought I'd pop along and find out more about it but now I've been distracted... What was that you do with your legs again... lift them so they look... hmmm. It works!! but now my laptop is a bust top. Nope, that's no good I shall have to put the laptop down and.....

Paula ~ castleandcottagesigns said...

I was thinking I'd wish you'd share that recipe but then I thought....that thin thigh trick is even better. I'm going to try that on the pool deck next weekend!! lol
xo:)

H said...

That's it! Miss Jenny, you're a genius. All I have to do is go through the rest of my life with my legs elevated on the back of the sofa. That shouldn't be too hard. Should it?

Wanderer said...

So now that I'm all wrapped up in how thin my thighs look when they're propped up on the couch, I'm wondering...so how does the rest of me look? Let's not go there. The other advantage is that without pillows under my head, my face looks thin, too. Yes, I have a mirror. Too bad my couch doesn't have wheels!
If you see anything that strikes your fancy in my writing style, I'd be happy to write a post here and there.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

So does it work if you're lying in bed, too? My thighs were slim once. Though I'm too old to remember it.

CJ xx

BEAR's Mom said...

i'm not worried about the thighs...
i really can't see them for the
huge nasty inner tubes that have
grown under my boobs...wait, one of those tubes is my boobs!!!
glad to hear i'm not the only one
who watches cooking shows that
show stuff i know i'll never make!!! the only thighs i worry
about are CHICKEN :D
BEAR HUGS
~victoria~

Kat said...

If there had ever been Chipotle Plum Ribs in our house, that would be the picture I'd be showing too. Because those babies wouldn't last long enough for me to get the camera out. Thin thighs be damned, there are just some things in life more important. Like Chipotle Plum ribs. You go ahead and get your ghost writer. I'm hiring Mr. Jenny to be my ghost cook! Kat

Jocelyn said...

Good morning Miss Jenny....love to kick my legs up on the back of the couch.....they look stunning!!! :-)

Ahhhh the ribs sound wonderdul....the onion rings...not so much!!!

Wishing you a Fabulous week sweet friend!!!

Terra said...

at least you can write. I can't find any words these days. I know why...but I can't and it stinks.

Willoughby said...

I don't know Jenny, I don't think a ghost writer would have known that cool thin thigh trick or have as many swell knock-knock jokes as you do.

Even without a picture I think you should have posted the recipe for the Chipotle Plum Ribs. They sound fantastic!

I can't wrap my head around the recipes that Hungry Girl makes. Egg substitute? Fat free this and that... Other than fruits and vegetables, everything she uses seems artificial to me. I just don't cook like that. I'd rather eat smaller portions of real food. She'd probably bust an artery if she saw the creamy goat cheese salad dressing I made yesterday. It most likely negated any nutritional value of the salad I put it on, but it was damn good!

Theresa said...

You are too funny! Mr. Jenny could have at least let you take a picture of his greasy, BBQ sticky fingers for the blog:)

Have a blessed day and let us know if you find the GHOST writer!

HUGS!

Mrs. Adventure said...

Damn my legs look amazing now that I'm hanging upside down ha ha. Oh and I feel you on "forgeting" to write a post :o)

Oh and I laughed at the "hungry girl" comments since I've watched the show and thought the same thing.

jeff campbell said...

Ghost ribs...hmmm...mighty tasty...to a ghost anyhoo, hoo, hoo. BTW, I'll write for ya anytime ;-) Peace and blessings

lissa said...

a blog ghost writer sounds nice. I think we all a vacation from our blogs now and then.

have a lovely day.

noexcuses said...

I think Bear's mom and I were twins separated at birth!. I can't see my thighs, or my feet, or the numbers on the scale...yesssss!

I'll have to check out Hungry Girl, but then, like you, I may get hungry...forget it!

Very funny post! Have a great day!

Pondside said...

I've never heard of Hungry Girl but I know from this that if she ever comes to a TV near me I won't be watching.
Thanks for the thin thigh tip. I'd like to offer that if you lie on your side on the floor, with your head on your hand, elbow crooked, gravity does its work and pulls everything down so that you get a definite curve where the waist should be - it's a great way to get the waist you once had.
You're welcome.

Slamdunk said...

Too funny and thanks for giving me the good knock knock joke for the little ones later...

Judie said...

How did you make those ribs, anyway??

Bossy Betty said...

Sure--blame it on the chipotle plum glaze.

(Man! That sounds SO good!)

Busy Bee Suz said...

Do you HAVE to post everyday??? I think not. :)
BUT...I will contenplate this as I lay on the couch with my legs up OVER the cusions. :)
xo

Cats, Chancy, Mumsy said...

Sweet Jenny you need no ghost writer. You possess all and more that you asked for in a ghost writer. All of your posts are wonderful and always make me smile, giggle or laugh out loud and long. You got it all girl!!! Hugs

Sue said...

Some days I'd like a ghost writer, too.

And EVERY day I'd like some chipotle-plum bbq'd ribs.

=)

PS. I tried the thigh thing. I guess mine are beyond redemption, even using the couch method.

*sigh*

Stacy Lynn said...

Loved this post. You had me LOL-ing. For real!

I have a question, though... If I prop my legs up so that gravity works its magic and gives me (the appearance of) thin thighs...would standing on my head make the rest of me thin?

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Just goes to show. We need to wear out camera, around our neck. So we never miss a photo op!!!

~♥~

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Jenny, if I need a ghost writer for a day (or two) for my blog, I'm going to call on YOU! You always make me smile! :)

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes! We had lots of fun celebrating in Colorado with the grandkids ..the week went by way too fast!

Susannah said...

You always make me smile, I love, love, love how you write...it is a real gift!

...and I know what you mean about the thigh thing. ;-)

Together We Save said...

Now I have the ghost busters theme song stuck in my head!! LOL

Jo said...

You are so funny my friend, yes, I have those thoughts run thru what little brain I have,you know the thoughts of "dawg-gone it I should have taken photo's".Brain dead!!

Hey I'm having my first giveaway June 15th!
Sure hope you can join us(HappierThanAPigInMud),we are having a cookalong with the Pillsbury Doughboy and I'm giving away a Pillsbury cookbook and a doughboy.
~JO
Lazyonloblolly

Country Dreaming said...

Great joke!
Me. Ken says "where do you get this stuff?" I say "Oh, It's from Jenny.

Melinda

NatureGirl said...

You crack me up Sister!

Ms. A said...

Those ribs sound delicious and that plate looks... EMPTY! Heck, I've got a whole cabinet full of empty plates. Not a very "meaty" post, Jenny. LOL!

Dazee Dreamer said...

I totally want to play the put your legs up and hang them so to make my calves and thighs look so much skinnier.

Jo said...

I can always count on you for a funny story and a good chuckle ... you have such a fun perspective!

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

I've certainly needed that ghost blogger around here the past few weeks. I'm either not home, have no time, no energy and mostly no brain cells. Well, I'm trying really hard starting today to BE BACK at least at some level. Your package is on the way, by the way...I just don't remember what day we sent it...but my dad was still here and he left Friday! Duh...I'm gonna go try that thin thigh trick!

Lourie said...

Tomorrow is supposed to be my Status Quote post. I just now remembered! I usually have a nice collection of status updates by now. I have NONE! hahaha. Legs up....Nah...I will just cover them with my cow blanket. It's more to the point. LOL

Vicki aka Jake said...

Ya, well, just don't put a mirror on the table and look down into it....Plumb scarry!! And WTH Jenny, anything you post is good:)

Gattina said...

The art of good writing is, to fill in pages with nothing and people read it with pleasure ! lol !

Jayne Martin said...

This would be one of those times when having a clone would come in handy. I face those last minute "What the hell am I going to post?" moments all the time.

I'm facing one right now. ;)