Wednesday, February 10, 2010

No conversation starts well...

...when it is accompanied by finger pokes and the loudly whispered words "are you awake?"

At least that's what my husband thinks.

Frankly, I'm shocked.

I'm all about the communication stuff. Any time. Day or night.

Well...except for when I'm watching What not to Wear . Well...or when I'm reading the food section of the Wednesday newspaper. OK, or when I'm possibly watching Project Runway.

Hey, don't roll your eyes at me. Those shows are significant in the social development of our country. Or something.

But other than those specific exceptions, I am willing to communicate at all times.

My husband, oddly, doesn't seem to feel the same way.

I think it is because I love him more then he loves me. Yea, that is definitely it.

This morning I had an urgent question and so I poked and whispered and he rustled around in the bed and finally raised his head.

"Mwuh...uh....huh?" he finally mumbled.

"Sweetie," I asked in my nicest voice, "what are you going to do when I die?"

He moved around groggily for a bit and then said, "Jenny, it is 4:30 am."

To which I gently replied, "I know but I just wondered what your thoughts are on this subject."

And then he crankily replied "what subject? What are you talking about? It is 4:30 am!"

Geez. Some people just don't like to communicate, obviously.

So I asked the big question again, "I'm just wondering what you would do when I die? Are you going to get re-married? Do you think you would cry?"

Uh oh.

Instead of a reply I got the "look".

Do you know that "look"? It is the one that makes you want to go play hide and go seek all by yourself...and just do the hiding part.

Then he calmly, and in a very serious voice, said "are you planning on dying in the next two hours?" in a slightly-deadly voice.

Do you know that tone of voice? Oddly I seem to get that tone of voice fairly often.

So instead of answering I just turned over and pretended I had gone back to sleep.

Seriously, with that attitude why would I possibly try to communicate wtih him now?????

Anyway, things are a bit rocky here at the Matlock house today.

Don't tell my husband, though, cuz he thinks everything is just fine.

But it's not.

I'm harboring a big-time grudge. And I will get even for this rejection.

YessirreeBob, I'll show him.

I just won't talk to him all day although he may not notice because I am being very subtle about it... I will probably have to write him notes since I'm not talking to him.

Yea, that will teach him. He'll be sorry someday when I actually do die. He'll remember this day and look back with great regret but IT WILL BE TOO LATE THEN TO HAVE THIS IMPORTANT CONVERSATION BECAUSE I WILL BE DEAD! So there!

So I'm just going to be quiet and silent and slip around the house like a stealth wife.

Although, oddly the last time I tried that treatment he was in a super good mood the entire day.

Weird, right?


And since that sweet story is a natural segue into my giveaway today...ahemmmm....

You know the way it works! Registered follower, three chances to win...comment on this post, last nights winner post or yesterday mornings skipping post.

OK, bye.


Oh yea....I'm giving away this sweet book! I can't tell you if the recipes are good because I didn't open it. I like getting a new book and being the first to bend the cover back so I didn't want to open the book so you could have that pleasure, too. The book is titled Cakes & Bakes - a mouthwatering collection of over 50 recipes for dreamy cakes and bakes.

I'll post the winner tonight right before I put up the D link for Alphabe-Thursday. Around 9 MST but any comments up until I do the actual drawing will count.

I hope you're getting your D game on cuz I have a great post this week.

Actually, to be honest, I lied. I have no D post yet at all in my head. I'm just playing with your head a little bit.

Poke, poke. Hey, are you awake?

post signature


Brenda said...

You are so right! I like new books not opened by anyone else also. When I go to one of the big bookstores and I am buying a book that there are multiples for I always pick the one that looks like it has never been opened. lol. I would love to win a new cookbook. Love new cookbooks. It takes my husband hours before he realizes I am mad at him. Hour and hours and all that time I end up getting a lot more mad. Not often but that is exactly what happens here. Even the dog realizes before hubs does.

Linda said...

Jenny I can't believe he didn't want to discuss such an important topic at 4:30 am....My real questions is what were YOU doing awake then? LOL

Ok so the cake book looks amazing. I am working on a super duper D post, yes I am!! No lie, really!!! See you later(now what the heck am I going to post for the letter D?)

Kimberly said...

I can't believe your husband didn't want to talk at 4:30am!! The book looks great! would love to win!!
Enjoy your day!! :>)))

Cindy (Letters From Midlife) said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I'd love to be entered for a chance at the cookbook!

MrsJenB said...

Looks like a book that's right up my alley! :-)

I can't believe he wouldn't want to talk to you at 4:30! How dare he? haha

5thsister said...

Funny! I'm usually the one getting nudged or poked at ungodly hours of the morning but it's usually not because he wants to talk. :o)

Oh yeah...Cookbooks rock!

Cedar ... said...

aaarrgghhh.... he's just being a typical man. they just don't "get" it at times, do they. Stealth away, Jenny, good luck with the grudge. i never could keep one going all day, though. hee hee......

mbkatc230 said...

Mine is up already, because I have no idea what life will bring tonight. You could do D is for Die! Kathy

Tina ~ Blessings Friends. said...

Awww, Jenny, I thought this was a great D post, "DEAR" husband. LOL.
I love you post, especially when I need a giggle.

Lisa said...

LOL, too funny!! So glad I am not the only one waking up her husband to ask all too important questions in the wee morning hours. Seriously, do they not understand we have to have answers!!

Love your post! Would love the cookbook too;)

Sarah said...

Jenny,imagane not wanting to talk at 4:30. And how long has he been married to you???
Looks like a terrific book. Wonder if I'd actually bake something if it came my way?
Gotta run.... I'm working on my homework.
See you in class, Ms. Matlock.

Sheila said...

YOu are just to darn funny.. Thanks for stopping in for a visit at my blog. NIce to share birthdays with new friends.. lol..

Sheila said...

YOu are just to darn funny.. Thanks for stopping in for a visit at my blog. NIce to share birthdays with new friends.. lol..

Coralie Cederna Johnson said...

The silent treatment does not, I repeat not, work. My husband thinks it's really cool and just gives me a big hug. Do you think he's trying to tell me something?

(I have MY D post ready!)

Busy Bee Suz said...

Jenny, I would seriously reevaluate this marriage of yours. Did you get a pre-nup? It may not be too late to get out of it.
I mean, if he can't communicate, do you really see a future?

Oh, nevermind, I just realized, that maybe you are in the wrong here. maybe. I am still trying to wrap my brain around this problem.
Maybe a marriage counselor would be of help.

misslynda said...

Are you planning on dying in the next two hours? What a typical male response. His thoughts are, "If not, let's sleep a bit more and discuss it in 2 hours." . . .and God created us different so we could complete and compliment each other - - but often it causes conflict!

Country Dreaming said...

You go girl--you show him be that stealth wife you are!


Kelly@TearingUpHouses said...

ohmygosh this is hilarious. HILARIOUS.




too funny.


Julie Schuler said...

I have heard that the silent treatment works much better on guys than just about any other form of torment. My sister swears by it. I just don't have the "stick with it" to employ the tactic for more than an hour!

Lynette said...

Oh my - hummm!! It's a wonder you're still alive to tell that story!

OK - LAM - it means Life After Meghan (my daughter). No, she's not dead, she just went to college in the Fall of 2008, my husband and I separated in the Summer of '09 and I, needed a life and Meghan and I were joking about a LAM Plan and that's how that came about - "Lynette's LAM Plan" turned "Blog" - keeps me out of all kind of trouble - most of the time!! ;-)

Thanks for visiting - come back around any time!

Cop Mama said...

I love What Not to Wear! Someday I'll figure it out!

~Kim~ said...

After 28 years of marriage, I've found the silent treatment increases its effectiveness by about 65% when it's accompanied by no dinner. :-)

The book looks like it's full of lots of new and interesting things--It may give me new motivation! ??

Theresa said...

Jenny Matlock, you are NUTS:) and I just love reading your blog. I have given my husband "strict instructions" in the event of my death. NO Women allowed in my house. NONE, not for any reason. He better not remarry because I will know and haunt him:) That I what I have to say about that... so there! Hey, I wanna win something, anything... Have a silent day!

Carol said...

I believe they enjoy the silent treatment! I've been conducing a study...and those are my findings! I always tell Dwen that I love him more than he loves is sooo obvious!! Don't know why he denies it!?!

Mari said...

My husband is wierd that way too. You can talk to me though!

laterg8r said...

super funny - i get the look too :D

don't send me the book, i can't bake LOL :D

Cheryl said...

I laughed out loud (literally!) at your 4:30 a.m. attempt at engaging in meaningful conversation! :) I just found your blog via a comment you made on redheadkate's glad I did!

Allie said...

I have had that conversation and I got the EXACT same looks and words. Exactly. Although I do know now, after how many ever years, he's going to Arizona, to become a river guide. Alone and away from here. So, promise me you will keep your eye out for him, just in case.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

You are one funny girl!

Short and Sweet said...

This is a funny post! My husband and I have already had that conversation but not at 4:30 AM!
Can't wait for the D link to come up because I have Dolls galore.

Sherri said...

My husband wouldn't be too happy with me if I woke him at 4:30am to disuss such a topic.

First time visiting your blog. The book cook looks great.


Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

You are so funny. I should read this to my husband, he needs to see that I'm not the only one who has some of my best thoughts and questions hit me before dawn:)

I read, I follow...I want to win something!


My name is PJ. said...

There are Bachelors, Masters and Doctorates given for: THE LOOK and THE TONE. They THINK we don't know, but some of us do and some of us are telling.

My name is PJ. said...

Oh, and THANK GOD you watch Project Runway! Phewwwww! There IS hope for you yet!

Prim2Pink said...

I know that if I woke dear Hubby at 4:30 & he knew that's what time it was , He would start telling me all sorts of stuff that he knew I wouldn't want to hear...just to get even!!!
They are like that sometimes!

Jess Herbig said...

I always have questions like that at 4:30!!! If I don't have them then, they're never really that important! And my husband does NOT appreciate my love affair with fashion shows... :(

Jess Herbig said...

Jenny, wanted to let you know about the design giveaway on my blog! It ends on Friday. Here's the link:

Heather said...

First off- you are soooo funny! I can totally relate to your post! And, I was going to follow you before I saw the giveaway! :-) Cool giveaway; I love to bake!
Thanks for stopping by my blog and the comment and follow. You are too sweet about my baby boy's photo. :)

Sares said...

I have to say it Jenny, I would have been irritated too. I don't like my sleep interrupted! Poor guy he has my sympathies for having such a communicative wife, hee hee!
This cookbook looks like it has some yummy things in it. I hope you have a great evening Jenny and maybe you should do your D post on the Doghouse, since that's where you put your hubbie!

Jen said...

After seeing that chocolate cake on the recipe book- I'm awake-you bet ya! :)

My hubby always know when I'm mad- no hints necessary.

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Are we leading parallel lives???


Sheila :-)

Darcie said...

Thank you SO much for stopping by today with a comment. But most of all...thank you for your post and your blog. Hopping on as a follower, because after reading this post today I don't even want to know what I have been missing over here...TOO FUNNY!!!!!

I guess that is why so many of us woman have we can say everything we wanted to say in the middle of the night that no one was willing to listen to.

mrs. c said...
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mrs. c said...

what is it about husbands and communication???? You sent me a lovely prize box that I have been waiting with anticipation for and he didn't even tell me it had arrived for 2 days!!!! He put it in the floor and when i mentioned how excited I was about your box, he said, " It got here a couple of days ago". Well, he is on my boo boo list especially when I caught him eating my sugar daddy!!!! Love the glasses, the scarf, the fabric, scrapbook paper as well as the wonderful, yummy candy! Thanks, thanks, thanks! Love Thursdays because of our special blog opportunity!

mrs. c said...
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mrs. c said...
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Parsley said...

Your post just cracked me up.. more than I normally am. LOL

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and following. I appreciate your kind comments.

That book looks like my type of thing. YUMMY food!

I'm having a chocolate giveaway for my followers. Want to join the fun?

VictoriaS said...

Jenny, you never cease to crack me up! Husbands can be funny! I'm going to poke my husband in the eyes early in the morning and see what he does!
Love, Victoria

christy rose said...

Hi Jenny, I just stopped over from Beth's at Outnumbered 3 to 1. I love making new blogging friends. Stop by and meet me and my family some time if you are interested. I would love that. I enjoyed my visit here today.
It was nice meeting you,

Jen said...

Jenny, this post is too funny. John and I both laughed out loud reading I don't know if it's wife thing, or a "Jenny" thing, but I do this to John, usually about midnight when we are going to bed (we are night owls), I have asked him many times if he will cry when I die, and he tells me that is a "stupid question and I am not going to answer that." Okay, so to him that means yes, to me (at midnight), I am thing, what the heck...Thanks for the laughs, Jenny! I have had a rough week and can always "stop in and see you" for a good laugh! Have a great day!!!!! MEN...ugh. :)

Jen said...

forgot to mention...I'm a follower.

Melisa Waldorf said...

What the heck is wrong with your DH??? I have conversations regularly at 4:30 am with mine. But usually it consist of me telling him "will you PLEASE turn the light out!!!! I don't have to be up until 5:15!!". Some men just never get a clue!

All My Yesterdays said...

Well, I'm too late for the cool book giveaway...been a bit undertheweather all week..
But wondered if you were still looking for stamped jewelry???
Have you been here?
Timeless Treasures

Tell the sweet hubby a sense of humor is ok at 4:30 am too (O:
Good luck with an answer...

Mami said...

I cant belive that you husband diny want to talk to you,just he did want to sleep. right?
But also to me the same as your situation, when early in the morning suddlely i would be awake,i would be worrying about a lot of things.


I need a time for D

Sage said...

I loved loved your story.What is wrong with men? they are all pretty wierd at times. I understand you 100% and serves him right to get punished; even if he doesn't realize it. Great post!

gayle said...

That conversation could have taken place between me and my husband!! Loved it!!