Friday, February 10, 2012

No longer waiting...CONCLUSION!

Today's Friday! And here's part three of my little story as promised!

If you missed part two, just click here.
...


When the little balding guy handed the judge my folder, I could see it was not very thick. All the folders to this point had been stuffed full of papers and some even had three or four folders banded together.

My little folder appeared to have nothing in it at all.

I waited quietly in front of the giant judge desk thing. I was determined not to a) cry, b) pee my pants or c) babble (which I tend to do when I am very nervous)

The judge opened my file and looked inside it. There was a single piece of paper in there. He looked at the front and back of the paper. He slid his glasses down his nose and looked at me. He motioned for the little balding guy and showed him the almost empty folder.

The little balding guy shrugged.

I closed my lips tightly determined not to babble.

Finally, the judge cleared his throat and asked my name.

Hardly stuttering at all. I told him.

“Do you have a pet?” he enquired.

Huh?

“Yes, yes. I do…ummm…your honor…I have a dog…”

And then…God help me…I started to babble…

“Our dog is a little tweenie weinie…I mean ummm… weiner dog…ummm… I mean dachsund. Yeah. A dachsund…his name is Cujo and…”

(this is not a picture of Cujo. All my pictures of that sweet little fella are boxed up for the move...but this is a mighty cute picture of a puppy so I thought I'd just stick it in here anyway!)

The judge held up a judge-like hand and raised a judge-like eyebrow at me.

“Cujo? Your weiner …ummm…dachsund is named Cujo?”

“Well…ummm…yeah…your honor. He’s…” I made myself stop. I remembered all the TV shows I’d seen. Just answer the question. Don’t incriminate yourself.

“Ummm….yes, your honor, his name is Cujo.”

The judge looked at the paper again. “Does Cujo go to XYZ Animal Clinic?”

“Ummm…yes…ummm…your Honor…Mr. Judge. Yes. In fact, he was just there getting his toenails clipped because weiner dogs…ummm…dachsunds have long black nails and you can cut into the quick which makes them bleed and…”

I chastised myself again. Just answer the question. Don’t incriminate yourself. Incriminate myself for what was still not clear to me at this point.

“Yes, your Honor. Cujo still goes to XYZ Animal Clinic.”

The judge motioned to the little balding guy and they looked at the single paper in my file.

“Well, ma’am. I think you might have had a warrant sworn out in error. It appears that several years ago you wrote a check to XYZ Animal Clinic on a closed account.”

I got all excited! I remembered that incident exactly. I told the judge, “I remember that incident exactly, your honor. I was getting divorced and I had changed banks but when I took Cujo to the vet I had forgotten I had changed accounts so I wrote a check on the old account and then they called me and so I went and gave them a check from the new account and…”

I paused. To take a breath, you know?

And to remind myself not to babble.


The judge cleared his throat and said, “I think that somehow this got into the bad check division and when you replaced the check they never reported the payment…but obviously if your weiner...ummm…dachsund, Cujo, is still going there well…”

He paused again.

“So were you arrested on a warrant then?”

I nodded my head.

“And you had to post bail?”

I nodded again.

He closed my skinny little folder. “Let’s see if we can’t get your bail money returned right away.”

I nodded.

He handed my folder back to the little balding guy who motioned for me to follow him. As I started to walk away the judge said, “Ma’am?”

I turned back. Oh no, oh no! I just knew he was going to yell at me!

Instead he asked, “Who posted your bail?”

I never thought to ask why, I just said, “My kids…”

He frowned. “Well good luck to you…and to ummm… Cujo.”

I was so relieved I almost skipped out of the courtroom.

Of course, I didn’t. I am nothing if not circumspect in situations requiring great seriousness. NOT!

But I did get a check back that day for bail.

My boss wouldn’t even take my story seriously.

My kids thought I was insane.

The future Mr. Jenny laughed but I know it was just to cover up his desire to ask for his engagement ring back.

And the girlfriends parents who loaned my son the money?

Yeah.

That was ackward. To say the least.

I cashed the check from the court and went to their home after work to return their ‘loan’. Up to this point we had been pretty friendly, but when I rang the doorbell, they stepped back from the doorway and just looked at me suspiciously.


I wanted to explain. I really, really did. I wanted to tell them the whole story about how it really wasn’t my fault and that it was all because of Cujo, the weiner dog…but their faces were closed and hard.

I was tired and, my friends, I’d been in the slammer. And that changes a person. Makes them hard. And uncaring.

So, I just handed them the money, thanked them and left.

Geez.

Some people get all judgemental about people being arrested at gunpoint.

I tell ya.

This kind of thing happens to everyone.

Right?

Right?

Yeah. I’m absolutely sure of it.

AND…

…the absolutely fantastic news is that I had a call today from one of the amazing HR recruiters from MY NEW EMPLOYER!

Yes! I passed the background check…

Yes! I start on-boarding on Monday. (I’ll be writing on Monday about that subject, exactly!)

And Yes! I will have all sorts of new stories for you next week!

In the meantime, trust me on this…DO NOT WRITE A CHECK ON A CLOSED ACCOUNT TO YOUR DOG’S VET! EVEN IF YOUR DOG ISN’T A WEINER DOG NAMED CUJO!

Huh?

Oh…geez.

I know you appreciate this good advice.

And…

You’re welcome! What are friends for anyway?

THE END



post signature

42 comments:

Nezzy said...

Whew, finally I can breath now!!!

What a horrific thing for ya to go through 'cause of a stinkin' mistake.

Poor harden, uncarin' Jenny...soooooo NOT!!!

God bless and have a fantabulous weekend sweetie.

MIL...TIA (mini~stroke) Spent the day in the ER and after she wanted to go eat a Captain D's. After a MRI...aspirin therapy.

Angel is havin' issues, I've been concerned for quite some time. She could use your prayers. Thanks Friend!!!

upinthecosmos said...

LMAO, I just knew it had to all be some misunderstanding.... how could you (of all people) have a warrent?? Even with a wiener dog named Cujo! That doggie pic by the way is adorable, even if it's not Cujo:-) Congrats on the job, hope your move & the job go great for ya!

Jeanie said...

I hope you named your next dog fluffy.....I don't know why but I think all your problems started with Cujo's name.(I have an 8 lb grandog named Thunder....maybe they should re-think that).

alexandrea said...

I am so glad that was able to be cleared up, and SO sorry that it came to that at all! It seems you are going to be able to tell the story with a smile on your face though at least, you're good at looking on the bright side!

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

You handled it wayyy better than I would have. I probably would have yelled at someone, said a few curse words and ended up in the slammer anyway!!!

Puppy picture gave me a smile this AM....

xxoo,

your friend RMW, even though technically you are a ex con now!

hah!

It's All Connected said...

I try to not associate with known felons but may make an exception in your case. I will not accept any cheques from you, just in case. You really should submit that story for magazine publication! Congratulations on the new position! ~ Maureen

Sue said...

Unbelievable. One of my favorite blog friends is a jailbird.

Thankfully, I'm a big enough person to rise above your sins. And besides, they make me feel superior...

;)

Sue said...

PS. Congrats on the new job! It sounds perfect for you.

=)

Viki said...

Thank goodness we finally know that you are a bad check writer-files away in memory for future reference.. LOL I liked this much better than my theory but it's almost as crazy.

Congrats on getting the job. Can't wait to hear the stories that come out of it.

Teri M said...

I think somehow the powers that be let this happen because they KNEW, just knew that you would have a blog and that this would make a fantastic 3-part story. :-)

anitamombanita said...

That was hilarious. And I'm so glad that my faith in you as a kind, decent, law-abiding citizen has been restored!!!

edenhills said...

What a traumatic experience! I'm so glad that you weren't sent to prison for years over such a crime! Congratulations on the job!

Theresa said...

I am exhausted after this tale of Jailed Jenny:) It was a great ending! Thanks for stretching it out and keeping us on the edge of our couches! HUGS!

Jo said...

whew! hopefully my nightmares about seeing your mugshot all over America's Most Wanted might go away now! What a funny story!!!

Carol said...

Sorry you went to the big house...glad you got out! Love being your friend! Congrats on the job!!! Very excited for you!! I swear with this story....some how, some where....we are related! Love ya!

noexcuses said...

What a great way to keep us hanging on to your words! This is a great story! Thank you for sharing the sordid part of your life with us!

Good luck on the new job! Can't wait to hear about it, as well as, your new neighbors. Hope you are not too far from the grandlittles!

Pixie said...

MWHAHAHAHA naughty thing you for drawing out the story this long....I'm sure you felt so relieved!

Keetha Broyles said...

One would think law enforcement should be busy enough with the fat folder folks to leave the one tiny scrap of paper in their folder people alone!

Wanda..... said...

Glad your criminal life was all a mistake, Jenny...and there's a new job awaiting!

Ames said...

That wasn't so bad. At least you got your money back. I hope you also had your record expunged? You know...arrested by mistake 'cause if you don't you will carry this explanation with you for the rest of your life. And it only took you three freakin days to explain it to us! Arrrrghhhh!

Ok homey sista. You got any tats to mark the occasion? You know...like a tramp stamp or a bar code? or a tear drop? No wait, tear drops mean you would have killed someone. Scratch that.

You crack me up! Hugs!~Ames

Ames said...

P.S. You are a better person than me. That was sooooh traumatic I would have moved out of town after that.

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Again I say..Only to you Jenny, only to you! It is a testament to how much Mr Jenny must love you, I mean he did stick around after you being arrested and all that right? Congrats on the JOB!!!
hugs, Linda

Lorrie said...

All's well that ends well. So relieved. And congrats on the new job!

Annesphamily said...

Oh Jenny, I would have just died! I can not be held against my will! I would simply have died! Your story had a nice ending. God bless you! That judge was a fair man but I think our legal system stinks! Go hassle a real criminal like Jerry Sandusky from Penn State or our president printing money whenever he feels like it! Ack! The entire US government system stinks! Oh I need to step down from my soapbox!
I like your story though! It had some suspense for a while there!
Congrats on the job! Woo Hoo! You are such a go getter! You will be so successful! Keep us all posted! Hugs Anne

Judie said...

Well, that's a relief! Does this mean I have to change the caption under your baby picture? Just wonderin'!

xoxo,
J.

Ms. A said...

Well, finally! Thank you for clearing all this up, and for it having a happy ending, AND... that they reimbursed your bail money! I had no idea that EVER happened!

Polly Janos said...

Okay, let me get this straight...

A warrant was sworn...
for a check on a closed account...
for a pet nail trimming...
which may have amounted to, at most, not much money...(It costs $10 for my dog's nail trimming at the local groomer)...
of which you corrected and made good on right away...
but it was still turned over to collections...
which NEVER called you (which bill collectors are notorious for at all hours day or night)...

I would seriously hesitate going to that clinic EVER AGAIN. You are just way too nice. Too bad you couldn't recoup something for your "pain and suffering". Arrested at gunpoint...Jeez Louise!

Terra said...

I can't believe they even refunded your bail, what an awful experience and a hilarious story! I am glad it worked out! ANd the JOB! YAHOO FOR YOU!!!!!!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh Jenny...it seems like something out of a tv show! Craziness, I tell ya. Glad it all worked out.
So excited about your new job and more stories!!!
xoxoxo

Nonna Beach said...

OMGosh...that is just crazy and like I said you never know, everyone is just One Step away from jail !

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Wow, that's quite a story! I understand being thrilled to get out of there, but I think I'd also have been pretty angry at whoever messed up and caused this to happen. You are a good person for not letting it make you bitter!

Dazee Dreamer said...

Well, if that had been me, I would have marched myself to the vets and raised holy hell. Told them you were getting free visits for a year, and more. Freak.

Brenda said...

Oh my goodness, I am so glad that I did not have time to read on after the first installment this week and was able to read parts 2 and 3 in one sitting. How intense that story was. Maybe you should write mysteries with Cujo being the little side kick that always gets you thrown in jail? What a crazy thing to live through. I would have peed my pants.

NanE said...

Holy cow, I can't believe you had to endure this fiasco! I guess it just added to your character ;)
Congratulations on the new job, your new employer is lucky to have you. xxoo Nan

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

That seems like over-kill to me for one "bad" check. It would have been nice if they had asked for a new check before they surrounded you with guns. I know it was all a big mistake, but someone should have been held accountable. What if someone had been hurt during the arrest? What if you had gotten hurt in jail? Now I'm mad. Please send me the name of the arresting officer, the judge, and the veterinary clinic. I want to write a letter. :)

Congratulations on the new job!

BlackLOG said...

You should probably count yourself lucky that as the master criminal that you clearly are that they didn't tazer you....

I think I would have had a few words to say to your doggy nail clinic – talk about causing you pain through their incompetence. They had their money so why did the set the hounds of hell on you....what would they have done if you had not paid at all....

Oh well it made for good blog fodder

allwaysjudee said...

Congrats on the job, and thank you for such an entertaining tale - truth is often more interesting than fiction, it's just that people don't always believe it. Love your writing style!

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

WHEW!!!! It was a harrowing experience that could ahppen to anyone, Jenny! So glad all was well in the end.

Congrats on the new job!

Thansk so much fro the valentine's Day card --- you are such a dear, sweet friend!

Pondside said...

Thank goodness I scrolled wayyyy down to find the end of the saga. All's well that ends well, and I guess you won't be needing the special correctional program that put together just for you.

Dapoppins said...

i HOPE you didn't really loose any friends over this event, because, I would want to call you my friend just because of this story! Oh my Lordy, yes'um.

Oh, and congrats on the job. Next time I have modem issues I hope I get you on the phone and not that lady from over-seas who talks like she has marbles in her mouth and is always standing in the middle of a free way during rush hour traffic. Sheesh. I do hope you have better working conditions than that!

Dapoppins said...

P.S. Are you just that tallented and smart, or do you have a secret to finding and getting decent jobs. My husband has been looking for a long time. Hints welcome. ( I won't tell them they came from an ex-con who owns wiener dogs)

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

Incredible.....although, when I remember it's you that this happened to, maybe not so incredible after all!