Nada. Nyet. Nope.
So I asked Mr. Jenny for a few ideas.
His ideas were dumb.
He wanted me to write about things like Nigeria or neurons.
"What kind of "N" words are those?" I asked him. "I need clever "N" words. I need FUN "N" words!"
I said, "You know! Words like NO-L! Noel! Get it!?! See how fun the word NO-L is? Do you know any words like that?"
"No," he said.
"Fat lot of help you are. I thought you loved me. I thought we took Alphabe-Thursday assistance wedding vows. Fine! I'll just figure it out myself..."
So I tried.
I started with the letter A, obviously.
"No-A, No-B, No-C, No-D, No-E..."
Mr. Jenny interrupted me. "What are you doing? That is annoying."
"I'm trying to find a fun "N" word since you won't help!" I continued, "No-F, No-G, No-H, No-I, No-J..."
He whined. "Stop it. That is really annoying and it is like 4 am."
"4:37 am," I replied snottily, "And since you won't help me, I'll have to figure it out myself...No-K, No-L! NOEL! See! See! Noel is a fun word! I need a word like that! No-M, No-N, No-O, No-P..."
"Seriously, do you have to do that? It's like 4:30 am?"
"4:41," I told him. You'd think he could look at the clock himself. "Yes, yes I do have to do this. My blog readers expect a certain intellectual sophistication from my posts and..."
He rudely made a snorting noise. I ignored him.
"No-Q, No-R, No-S, No-T, No-U, No-V, No-W, No-X, No-Y, No-Z...sigh...Did you hear that? There are no other fun "N" words like the word NOEL! Now what am I going to write about? Seriously, wake up! I need an "N" word."
"How about nutcase?" he said sarcastically.
"Nutcase? That won't work...that...Oh. You're making fun of me, aren't you?"
He didn't reply.
I think we're fighting.
So now my marriage is on the rocks AND I still don't have a fun "N" word like NOEL to write about.
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry this post wasn't the usual intellectual sophisticated caliber you have come to expect on Jenny Matlock, Off on my Tangent.
It's Mr. Jenny's fault.
You'll have to blame him.
And when you let him know you're annoyed at him, could you please tell him that I'm mad, too.
I'm still not talking to him.