A girl can dream, right?

This little free-form poem is linked to an A - Z alphabet challenge for week number 121 of Saturday Centus.

I used EXACTLY 100 words and the letters of the alphabet in order.

Go.

Me.

Although I will admit that writing this made me hungry.

To read other SC offerings, just click here.

Ahem.

I’m hungry.

I’m fantasizing.

What do I dream of?

Get out of my way…

I want…

Almond Joy, Baby Ruth, Cheetohs, Doritos!

Extra Bars, Fritos, Good and Plenty and Heath Bars!

Ice cream and jelly beans, Kit Kats if you please.

Lemon Drops, Mars Bars, Now and Later, Oh Henry.

Popcorn and Quince, Reeses Pieces and Snickers.

Twix Bars!   And Uno bars!

And a Velamint please.

Whatchamcallit and Xylitol gum,

York Peppermint Patties.

Oh me and oh my.

I want sugar and salt.

 

No wonder my diets

Never quite work.

But! Hey!

Pass me a Zagnut

And no-one gets hurt.

 

Gosh! All kinds of stuff!

Today when I was out running errands, I thought of all kinds of things to write about.

"Oh, yeah," I thought.  "This will be a great story!"

"Oh, hmmm," I thought.  "This will be fun to write about!"

And, now...

Here it is...Thursday night and I can't think of one of those things.

All I'm left to share today is this...

Taxi anyone?  Sweet little Quinn is ready to call one for you anytime!

 

Painted Letter O's

Okay.  Here are 3 letter O's.  I like them all!    I hope you enjoy them alsO!   

O

 

12" x 12"

 

 

 8 1/2" x 12"

 

 

17" x 12"

 

No stencils.   No stickers.  Handpainted with my own layout.

And because I'm still saving up for a new bicycle, each picture is linked to etsy.   Simply click on the picture to go visit!

You can see other signs in this series by clicking on 'Painted
Alphabet' in my sidebar.

 To visit other links to the letter "O",  just click here.

Alphabe-Thursday Letter O

THE LINKY IS NOW WORKING CORRECTLY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. THE ENTIRE WEBSITE WAS DOWN BUT IT IS NOW RESTORED. SORRY YOU ALL HAD THIS PROBLEM!    

Good morning class.

Welcome to round five of Alphabe-Thursday! Today we will be studying the outrageous letter:


Please link directly to your Alphabe-Thursday URL (if you don't know how to do this let me know!) and please continue to visit the five links before and after your link and leave a comment. Minimum of 10 links visited please. You can visit more if you like, of course.

I also want to let you know that each week I visit every blog. If it appears I haven't visited your blog by the following Friday afternoon, please let me know!

If you have any difficulties with your link, please make sure to include the number of the link when you e-mail me. It is really difficult for me to find you easily otherwise.

If you have any questions about Alphabe-Thursday or problems doing your link just post it in a comment or send me an e-mail. I'll do my best to help you as quickly as I can.

The McLinkey will be live from 1:00 pm MST time Wednesday afternoon in an effort to assist our lovely "friends across the pond" and continue through 10:00 am MST time Friday morning!

And remember.... link back to this post, you need to be registered as a follower of my blog, PG posts only, and you must visit at least 10 other posts...perhaps consider starting from the last posts and work backwards. The links will stay live after the final post deadline has passed so you can even wait and visit over the weekend or whenever you have more time.

Please don't be ornery. Link up your "O" post now!

It didn't work!

I am annoyed.

 

Fully inspired by the calendar...

 

...and the fact that it is ALMOST September 1...

 

I made a pot of chili last night for dinner.

Chili.

 

Classic autumn fare.

 

Chili.

 

A warm bowl to warm your innards when the nights grown brisk.

 

Chili.

 

Not powerful enough to begin to invoke Fall when the temps are still triple digit and the humidity is make-up melting.

 

I tried, though.

 

Chilly?

 

Nope.

 

Not yet.

 

But I do have a little bit of heartburn now.

 

Sigh.

Divinely Contradictory

I live in Arizona.

 

You might know this.

 

You might know this because I have been known to whine about the heat.

 

Once or twice.

 

Okay.

 

Possibly forty-three thousand and twelve times.

 

But...

 

Seriously.

 

One of the great curses of living in Arizona is that everything is hot.

 

Steering wheels.

 

Driveaways.

 

Patio furniture.

 

Car seats.

 

Blah.

 

Blah.

 

Blah.

 

We touch things and we flinch and/or curse and/or yelp.

 

Or some combination of all three.

 

On Saturday I went to get a pedicure with my oldest daughter.

 

I've had a lot of pedicures before, but this was a fancy place.

 

Fan.

 

Cee.

 

After the usual toe stuff they do, the pedicurist-person (what the heck do you call people that do this anyway?) brought two hot towels and put them on my shins and feet.

 

Wow.

 

Wow.

 

My regular pedicurist-person never does this.

 

It was amazing.

 

It was fabulous.

 

But then.

 

THEN!

 

The pedicurist-person brought back two  river rocks.

 

She had them in a little basket.

 

She rubbed some oil on my legs and took out one of the hot rocks and started rubbing it up and down my lower leg.

 

Oh.

 

My.

 

Wow.

 

Purr.  

 

After she did that for a little while she tucked it under the arch of my foot and repeated the process with the other hot rock.

 

Oh.

 

My.

 

Wow.

 

Purr.

 

It felt nothing like walking on the hot driveway in flip flips.

 

Nothing like it at all.

 

And here's the thing.

 

Arizona is FULL of dry riverbeds.

 

And a lot of the dry riverbeds are covered in river stones.

 

 

 

And the sun is really, really hot here.

 

I wonder how it would feel to go lay down in one of those riverbeds?

 

If the scorpions and rattlers didn't get you...

 

...and you didn't die of heat stroke...

 

...I bet it might feel pretty good.

 

Hot river rocks.

 

Who knew?

 

P.S.   They heated up the stones in a crock pot even though it was a Fan. Cee. spa place.  I have rocks.  I have a crock pot.   Hmmmm...

 

Pencil winner!

So.

It's Sunday.

Afternoon.

I was all set to go fire up Random Org to generate a pencil winner but then I had a brilliant idea.

Why should I use Random Org when I live with Random Mr. Jenny?

Mr. Jenny was trying to read.

Like that would stop me from bugging him.

Ha.

I scoff at that.

After successfully interrupting him during a particularly compelling chapter of his book...

(or so he said)

I asked him for a random number between 1 and 33.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why, what?  I just need a random number between 1 and 33.   For, you know, a random purpose."

Mr. Jenny looked afraid.

"Seriously, just a random number...it's nothing bad."

I wonder why he fears me like this?

Sigh...

After squinting at me suspiciously for a few more seconds he blurted out "Okay.  One.  One is the number I pick."

"Thank you,"I replied graciously, "Oh, and don't worry.  It's just for the pencil giveaway."

I could see the relief on his face.

I'm not sure why, though.

I never do impetuous, odd things.

Okay.

Hardly ever.

BUT...

The number one comment was this one:


viviansaid...

YOu always make me laugh. But why did they not remove the lead when it happened? just curious!
lead head bullies are evil!
hope your wound heals nicely and that the lead has disappeared!
happy weekend!
xoxo

 

In answer to your question Miss Vivian...the person who put the lead in my head threatened me with death if I told.   Gosh.  I hope I'm safe now...almost fifty years later.

 

Congratulations and please send your mailing address to me Miss Vivian.  I will have your pencil prize out in Monday's mail!

 

jennymatlock at cox dot net

 

Saturday Centus - All the letters

 

Welcome to week ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY ONE of Saturday Centus.

Gosh, I've fallen behind reading again.  Sorry.  Things are crazy around this house.

Sigh...

Catching up on SC's is fourth on my list for the weekend so hopefully I'll be by in the next few days.

Gosh.   Disappearing letters was pretty hard.

Maybe this week we should use ALL the letters.

Here's this weeks challenge:

WORD COUNT -  Not to exceed 126
STYLE OF WRITING - Any
MUST USE - Every single letter of the alphabet in your little story. 
PICTURES - Any

The regular restrictions apply: PG, no splitting of the prompt, play nicely and visit the other entries, any style or genre of writing you prefer. Please display my link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

E-mail me directly with ???'s or ask your question in a comment and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.

Feel free to link up anytime between now and next Saturday.

Saturday Centus - No ET

Ummm...

Okay.

Writing without an E and a T for SC's week 120 was pretty darned tough.

I actually wrote a few sentences to tell the tale of a woman scorned.

Ahem...

Go away you big liar. You said you would. Lying pig! Hrumph!

Okay. You can groan now! Ha!

To read other ET-less sentences, just click here.

Lead Free? ...and a GIVEAWAY!

I have a tragic little story to share with you today.

 

Prepare yourself.

 

Okay.

 

When I was a little girl...

 

...something like over 50 years ago...

 

Someone stuck me in the side of my forehead with a pencil.

It didn't kill me.

 

Obviously.

 

But it did make me stronger.

 

Because after the unfortunate encounter between the side of my forehead and the pencil I became a 'lead head'.

 

It's true.

 

The piece of lead was never removed and over time it got bigger and bigger.

 

Until finally it became huge.

 

And immense.

 

And disfiguring.

 

Okay.

 

I might be exaggerating just a teensy bit.

 

But it did become larger and lately has become the size, ironically, of a pencil eraser.

 

Stuck.

 

In.

 

The.

 

Side.

 

Of.

 

My. 

 

Forehead.

 

Acccck.

 

Thank heavens I wear bangs.

 

If I hadn't worn bangs all my life I suspect bullies would have taunted  me.

 

"Lead head!  Lead head!" they might have screamed at me.

 

Okay.

 

They didn't.

 

But they could have.

 

Today, however, I decided to take action against the lead.

 

I let a lady I know zap it with an electrical torture device.  She made me put ice on it and then shot some kind of laser into it over and over again.

 

It hurt.

 

But I bit down on a number two lead pencil and made it through the ordeal.

 

Now, I have to wait to see what happens.

 

And to find out if I am still a 'lead head' after the wound heals.

 

In the interim, however, to distract myself I am doing a little giveaway.

 

It's nothing serious.

 

It's not a gift card so you, too, can get zapped in the forehead with an electrical torture device.

 

It is, however lead related.

 

On Sunday I will draw a name from comments on this post and the winner will receive 3 super cool boxes of the best pencils in the world, Ticonderoga #2 lead pencils. 

 

Now I'm not just talking 3 boxes of ORANGE pencils.

 

I'm talking a box of baby blue pencils, a box of black wood pencils AND a box of pencils in primary colors.  I will even leave the two purple painted pencils in the box I send you. Feel free to enlarge this picture so you can drool over how cool these pencils are.

 

 

Should you stab yourself in the forehead with one of them if you are the lucky winner, I will not be held responsible.

 

I will, however, send you the name of the lady who can zap out the lead with an electrical torture device.

 

Today is Friday.  

 

If you really want to win pencils you can enter three times by leaving three separate comments on this post sometime before Sunday, noon-ish.

 

One comment must say "Lead head bullies are evil". 

 

And you need to be a follower of this blog or leave me your e-mail address so I can get in touch with you.

 

Sunday I'll post the winner and get your pencils right out to you in Monday's mail!

 

Hooray!

 

Okay.

 

I'm going to ice my forehead now.

And, hey, good luck if you choose to enter.

 

Sincerely,

Jenny Matlock

aka Lead Head

Painted Letter N's

N.   What a nice letter.   I have four N's today.   Okay.  I actually have three N's, but I don't like one of them so I used the SECOND word in the cow one to count as an 'N' I actually like.  

Confused?  

Yeah.  Me, too.

N

 

 This is the one I really don't like.   At all.   Don't say anything nice about it because I know that would be a lie.

 

 15 x 16.  I like this one.  It's all high gloss and rich looking in 'real life'.

 

 9 x 16   One of the big phrases I remember from my childhood. 

 

 

16 x 15.   Look!  It's a cow!   See the word 'now'?   That starts with an N.  I painted all the lines on that cow with a liner brush.  Mr. Jenny asked why I didn't just use a brown sharpie.   Ummm... d'oh.   Then it would be hand-sharpied and that doesn't sound nearly as cool as hand-painted, does it?  I love this sign including the crooked letters.  I think I was just exhausted from painting the cow!

No stencils.   No stickers.  Handpainted with my own layout.

You can see other signs in this series by clicking on 'Painted
Alphabet' in my sidebar.

 To visit other links to the letter "N", just click here.

Click here  for my Etsy store.

Alphabe-Thursday Letter N

Good morning class. Welcome to round five of Alphabe-Thursday!

Today I  will share the nice letter:


Please link directly to your Alphabe-Thursday URL (if you don't know how to do this let me know!) and please continue to visit the five links before and after your link and leave a comment. Minimum of 10 links visited please. You can visit more if you like, of course.

I also want to let you know that each week I visit every blog. If it appears I haven't visited your blog by the following Thursday evening, please let me know!

If you have any difficulties with your link, please make sure to include the number of the link when you e-mail me. It is really difficult for me to find you easily otherwise.

If you have any questions about Alphabe-Thursday or problems doing your link just post it in a comment or send me an e-mail. I'll do my best to help you as quickly as I can.

The McLinkey will be live from 1:00 pm MST time Wednesday afternoon in an effort to assist our lovely "friends across the pond" and continue through 10:00 am MST time Friday morning!

And remember.... link back to this post, you need to be registered as a follower of my blog, PG posts only, and visit at least 10 other students (perhaps the 5 students before and after your post). The links will stay live after the final post deadline has passed so you can even wait and visit over the weekend or whenever you have more time.

Please share your nifty "N" post now!

Siamese Elephants

Gosh.

Monday night I had this weird dream about Tim Conway.

No.

Not that kind of a dream.

Geez.

Anyway.

In the morning I asked Mr. Jenny if he remembered the Siamese Elephant skit from the Carol Burnett days.

He didn't.

So I googled and found this clip on u-tube.

And it made me laugh just as hard now as when I first saw it about a million years ago.

I figured you might need a little chuckle today so I thought I'd share it.




I'm still laughing over the sneezing part.

I'm trying to be sweeter.

Somedays it's hard, though.

Because I'm done with summer.   And I'm hot.   And menopause is stupid.  And blah, blah, blah.

Last night Mr. Jenny asked me what was for dinner.

"I don't know," I retorted semi-snarkily.   "What are you planning on making?"

"Do we have any chicken?"

"Yes, but it's frozen."

"Ummmm...do we have any burgers?"

"Yes, but they're frozen."

"Okay.   Do we have anything that's not frozen?"

Geez.   The guy is persistent.  "Yes, we have lettuce.   And eggs.   And maybe some mustard.  Sound good?"

I think Mr. Jenny thought I was being sarcastic and...

Okay.

Yeah.

I WAS being sarcastic.

What is it with this dinner planning thing and why does it roll around so darned frequently?

Sigh.

Anyway.

Mr. Jenny finally realized I wasn't planning on cooking anytime soon. 

"I'll run to Chipotle.  Brown rice, green salsa and veggies.  No cheese.  Right?" he enquired sweetly.

"Yup, that would be great!"

And then I stopped for a second.

Gosh.

Mr. Jenny is really sweet.

And I AM lucky to have such a thoughtful husband.

I realized that perhaps, just perhaps, I was being a little grumpy.

"Thanks, sweetie," I told him.  "Be careful on the way.  I love you so much.  I would totally die without you.  You are my everything."

Mr. Jenny paused at the doorway to my office.

"And?" he said suspiciously.  "And?"

"And nothing.    Can't I just be nice to my husband without being interrogated.  Gosh.  Love you.   Die without you.   You're my everything...you know...I mean it."

He softened.

And smiled at me sweetly.

I smiled back.

And then I waved my hand at him and told him, "Go!   Go!  Hurry up!  I'm starving!"

He sighed.

Twice.

Geez. 

Some people do NOT appreciate the tender side of menopausal women.

Geez.

Official Product Recall

AT & T did not, technically, ask me to do this recall.

But, hey.

I'm all kinds of consumer active in certain situations.

And I know AT & T (and you!)  will be happy to have some blog help from me.

Okay.

Here is the OFFICIAL RECALL INFORMATION!

If you have an AT&T phone with the "Push to Talk" intercomm feature...

DO NOT...

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES... ..

...show your Grandlittles how it works.

Seriously.

This is not a laughing matter.

I REPEAT!!!

DO NOT show them how to use the intercomm feature...

Especially if you have a smallish house...

And four separate phones in it.

But about the recall...

I kid you not.

Feedback is not a pretty sound after thirty minutes or so.

And neither is having three little girls using three separate intercomms at the same time singing their favorite obscure songs at the top of their lungs.

Yes, huh, they are obscure.

For instance, do you know this one? "It's a happy day. I like to say hooray. I drink out of a straw. Stick your head in hot lava?"

Yeah. I suspect you haven't heard this catchy little ditty either.

I really don't think this has anything to do with the fact that Mr. Jenny and I sent them to Drama Camp for a week this past summer.

Do you?

...

...

Sigh.

I mean, really, who makes a phone with an intercomm feature that doesn't have a child safety lock?


I'm sorry I can't share more about this important recall.

But, I have a wicked headache.

...

...

Oh, and about the recall?

You are most definitely welcome.

Now where is that darn bottled of Exedrin when you need it anyway?

Saturday Centus - Disappearing letters

 

Welcome to week ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY of Saturday Centus.

The prompt this week is one sentence long again.

The sentence can be as long or as short as you like.

Last week I was kinda/sorta being a jerk and I challenged you (and myself, I might add) to write a cohesive sentence not using "E", the most popular letter in the English language.

This week I thought it would be fun continuing the challenge.

Did you know the second most popular letter in the English language is the letter "T"?

That's what google told me.

And google never lies.

So...

The challenge this week is to write another cohesive sentence without using the letters "E" or "T".

Yikes.

I think I am even scaring myself with this challenge.

GULP!


Number of words:  Whatever you need to write a sentence that actually makes sense without using the letter E or T.

Pictures: Any you like.

The regular restrictions apply: PG, no splitting of the prompt, play nicely and visit the other entries, any style or genre of writing you prefer. Please display my link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

E-mail me directly with ???'s or ask your question in a comment and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.

Feel free to link up anytime between now and next Saturday.

I would miss you if I could, and I can't fathom why I can't.




This "E-less" post is linked to week 119 of Saturday Centus.

To read other sentences sans "E", just click here.

 

Pressure in First Grade City

Oh man.

Our poor little Mo has it bad this year.

First grade.

Who knew that all the Kindergarten rests and the juice breaks and the round tables with little friends would evolve into...

GASP!

Spelling tests!?!?

I talked to her on the phone this morning on the way to school.

"Grandma," she said in her squeaky little voice, "I am having a spelling test today."

"Oh, wow!   That's cool, right?" 

"Grandma!" she said a little more loudly.  "Did you HEAR me?  I am having a spelling test today."

I thought for a moment.   "Well, that's kind of cool, isn't it?   I  mean, just THINK, you're going to learn to read."

"Grandma!"  she said in a discouraged little voice.  "One of my words is L - E - G!  L - E - G Grandma.  I don't even know what that spells."

"Momo," I tried to be comforting.  "Just sound it out...ellllll ...eheheh... guhguhguh...ellehguh!  LEG!"

She was quiet.

"Mo, are you there?" I inquired. 

"I'm here Grandma but I'm gonna be honest.  I think first grade is going to be hard."

Ahhhh...

Ahhhh...

My poor little Grandlittle.  Just trying to get a ellehguh up in first grade.

Sigh...

Painted Alphabet Letter M

Hi!  I'm continuing my meandering through the Alphabet with three Letter "M's".

M

12 x 12  Just silliness.

10 x 24   The background on this is pearly and the letters are glittery.   I have a crush on this sign.

16 x 19  I was trying to lean toward contemporary on this one.  You can't tell but it's a high gloss finish that looks pretty cool with the prim background.

No stencils.   No stickers.  Handpainted with my own layout.

You can see other signs in this series by clicking on 'Painted
Alphabet' in my sidebar.

Thanks for moseying over!   To visit other links to the letter "M", just click here.


Click here for my Etsy store.