Monday, December 7, 2009

Best friends...

Best friends support you when you're down.

Best friends listen when you cry.

Best friends understand when things are hard and don't say "suck it up!"

Best friends feel our sorrow.

Best friends understand our pain.

And we do those things for them.

Do you agree?

My question to you, then, on this cold and rainy Arizona afternoon is why aren't we ever this kind to ourselves?

Why must we beat ourselves up and say "c'mon girl, be tough, no crying, quit having a pity party."

If one of our close friends was experiencing what we're sometimes going through we would be supportive and kind and make them tea and send them a card and we would help them until they felt better.
But we rarely do that for ourselves.

And I think that's sad.

I was talking this afternoon to a friend whose Mother just died two weeks ago, who suffers from chronic illness, whose grandson is a relapsed heroin addict with all the ugly stuff attached to it and she said to me...

"I am such a baby. All I do is cry. I hate that I am having a pity party...I am just a whiner."

And instead of answering that I said "wow, you think that's bad? I have a friend whose Mom just died, who suffers horribly from degenerative arthritis and whose grandson is a heroin addict."

And she said, seriously, "wow, that poor thing..." and then she paused.

And then she thought about it.

And then she yelled at me a little bit for tricking her.

But it made me think really hard about why we are so darned hard on ourselves.

My naturopath has a theory that the reason women statistically suffer from chronic illness at a higher rate then men is because we are always trying to tough it out.

She believes that if we just cried when we need to, took a day of self-pity when we need to, didn't always put ourselves down by thinking we are not tough enough and not strong enough that we would all be a lot healthier.

And I agree.

And for some reason I felt compelled to share that with you today.

Just something to think about on this rare, drizzly, gray Arizona afternoon.

And while you're thinking about it make sure you entered my double box-o-lemons giveaway two posts down!


Life Looms Large said...

Wise words. Actually, when I'm being tough on myself I often ask myself what I'd say to a friend in the same position.


Its So Very Cheri said...

Every time we take them someplace-they are devoured and everyone wants the secret TO DIE FOR receipe.


laterg8r said...

totally should be better to ourselves :D

Dixie said...

Jenny... thanks for stopping by French Lique today and entering my giveaway... thanks also, for asking about my sisters aprons. I'll be selling some in my etsy shop soon... they run from around $25 for the simple bib style (the one I like the best!) to $75 for the more fancy, ruffled styles. Let me know if you want more info.

Now... off to enter a friends great giveaway for lemons... I can feel my mouth watering now!

hugs. Dixie

Suz said...

It is a learned art.
I say when you have a bad day, befriend it

Jean Tuthill said...

Thanks for stopping by, good to see you. As for the graphics, feel free to help yourself anytime, I always only take copyright-free ones, so I know it's OK to use them..... I agree that we must cave in to our feelings sometimes, as long as we don't make a habit of it. I find if I wait a day or two, some things just go away.

Noelle said...

what a poignant post. you are so right...we should treat ourselves like we treat our friends.

thank you...

Prim2Pink said...

Thanks Jenny for the little eye-opener! I needed a little talkin too about feelings.
Our dear friend is expected to pass any day now. This is a very confusing time and your post helped me realize the it is OK to feel the way I do.
On a much happier note...
I love your Zippy Strippy Quilts book!!! Thank you so much. I'm going to make one soon. I posted about it on my blog.

Happy Holidays!!

The Quintessential Magpie said...

That's an excellent point, Jenny, and I think it would behoove all of us to be kind to ourselves.


Sheila :-)

My name is PJ. said...

This is EXCELLENT and very timely for me (although you could've been a peach and posted it Thanksgiving weekend!)

My father-in-law died just before Thanksgiving. He was the storybook dad I'd never had and he lived with us. Then my mom (who also lives with us) lost her ability to walk. Sounds like a sitcom, doesn't it? And, when I went to my room to cry, I actually said to my sister-in-law, "What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I rise above?"

Today you made me laugh outloud at the memory. Thank you many times over!

Wanda said...

What a perfect response you had for your friend are a good example of what good friends can do for each other!

Rebekah, The City Farmgirl said...

I needed to hear this! Thank you for your words of wisdom.

Rebekah, The City Farmgirl said...

I needed to hear this! Thank you for your words of wisdom.

Kimi@SoManyKidsSoLittleTime said...

This is so true. Just last night and ahem...maybe this morning too... I was giving myself a lot of grief and zero slack. Great message, Jenny.

Melinda Cornish said...

I think it is so true...I am glad you shared it and maybe some of us will listen and be better to ourselves....

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Musings of a Homeschooling Mom said...

Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing it. Thank you so much for the kind words on my father in law's passing. It's been a horrible week and we can definitely use the prayers.


redheadkate said...

Thanks for putting the link to this post on my blog. I needed this. While I don't need to wallow in self-pity, it is ok to think that my life is just downright rough right now...because it does.