Sunday, December 6, 2009

I sat entranced in the dark...

...with bouncy hair (hopefully you read that trick on my blog a little while back because it truly works).

I was prepared to feel Christmas.

I was prepared to feel culture.

And I did, a little bit, although it was slightly uncomfortable.

The seats we had purchased to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra this afternoon were decent. However, the man next to me was ... ummm... OK, Jenny, be tactful. Ummm.... very, very, very large.

Now look, I'm not throwing any weight stones cuz Heaven knows they would bounce off and hit me back but this man was seriously huge.

But I was determined to be positive and feel Christmas so I snuggled extra close to my sweet husband who smelled wonderful and was wearing my favorite old, denim shirt that was velvetty and soft.

The lights went down. The music came up. And I felt this weird vibration thing from the guy next to me and all the sudden I thought I was going to die. Holy laser light show! Did this guy eat an entire pot of chili by himself. I hoped it was a one-time thing.

It was not.

Oh, but I tried and tried to feel Christmas-y.

When the laser lights twinkled on the falling snow I felt the stirrings of memory...and then I felt something else and HOLY SPECIAL EFFECTS! all my nostalgia left me.

I leaned closer to my husband and inhaled the wonderful smell of his clothesline dried shirt.

OK, that was better.

But to sit super close to my good-smelling husband I had to sit sort of a in a twisted, writhe of a position that was not very pleasant.

And the show went on and on and on.

Sure the narrator had that marvelous deep voice that takes you back to what you wish you remembered your Great-Grandfather sounding like.

Sure the music was cool.

Sure the lasers were amazing.

But, honestly, I was just sitting there engulfed in this foul-smell.

There were no other seats to move to.

The mans wife kept hitting him.

I wanted to hit him, too, but I was afraid violence would release even more gas.

And then they wrapped up the Christmas portion of the program.

Seriously, I had lots of things I wanted to remember to write about how the audience became one in the mesmerizing purity of the notes and blah, blah, blah...

But old smelly wasn't letting me get into any of that.

Then one of the announcer-guys of the program said that they were going to share some of the new music from their new CD.

And all the sudden not only was it smelly it was scary. It was dark, dark music with red pulsing laser, and girls writhing on the ground with lots of blond hair getting violently flipped about and huge TV screens with helicopters hovering and fire flaming up all over the stage.

And I lasted through one song and told my husband that I felt like I was having a bad acid trip.

Which is a funny remark coming from me because a) not only have I never taken acid or any other drug even though I was a teenager in the 70's and b) I have never taken acid or any other drug.

But it seemed like what I imagine a bad acid trip would have been like which makes me quite happy that I never experienced either a) or b).

So we headed out.

Went to the bathroom with no long lines.

And when we walked out of the restrooms they were playing my favorite, favorite Christmas song... the one set to Canon's Pachelbel. And there was no political protest stuff on the big TV screens, the blonde chicks had brushed or otherwise contained their long flowing locks and all the fires had been extinguished.

So we listened leaning against the wall and my husband put his arm around me and was all snuggly and sweet smelling and the air around me was as fresh and pure as a pine glade in Colorado.

And I was finally happy.

Because I finally felt Christmas.

The end.

Oh, and don't forget to check out of my giveaway posted on yesterdays post. which you can get to by clicking "older post" right below this or clicking anywhere on the link!


Drama Queen said...

Oh, Jenny - your way with words....! I felt like I was right there - next to smelly guy!

Gosh, we are seeing Trans-Siberian Orchestra on the 23rd - we go every year - and I hope I don't have smelly guy next to me!

I really enjoy just the Christmas part of their concert - when they start doing the funky stuff, I'm with you - it's time to go!


My name is PJ. said...

YIKES! I feel very bad for you being next to SG, but at least you had your husband and some minor contortionistic (is that a word?) ability.

Imagine Mrs. SG having neither of those things and attending anything in public (even grocery shopping) with SG in tow! Let us all pray.

Julie Schuler said...

OMG! That's disgusting. I would've said something. Probably too many things.

~Kristen~ said...

OMG I don't know how you didn't say anything! I wouldn't have been able to not say something to the guy. Kevin would have tried to stop me but there was no way. That is just nasty!!!

But at least you did get snuggle time with your sweetie!!!

Carol said...

DUDE! We went to see them about 3 years ago....Adam sat next to a large man who smelled horrible! I kid you not! Maybe the big guy is a huge pun intended. Adam didn't feel Christmasy either!

Laurie said...

Oh you poor thing! That smelly guy must have been so embarrassed! Where's the Gas-X when you need it! You have a good sense of humor about it. I heard TSO here in Colorado Springs a few weeks ago, while working their show at the World Arena - a Scout fundraiser. So, I missed the floor show. ;) Thank you for visiting my blog, I'm so happy to have you!

Kimi@SoManyKidsSoLittleTime said...

Oh dear!!! I wouldn't have made it as long as you did. I'm totally picturing you dry heaving in your chair here, lol.

got a little something for you over here

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Oh no Jenny! It must have been terrible as long as you had to sit next to the "gas man"!

I'm glad there was a special moment at the end! :-)

I'm babysitting today and I hear the little guy stirring from his to go!

Martha's Favorites said...

Wow, Merry Christmas! What an awful experience. Thank God for a good smelling husband! Glad you made it out in one piece. Blessings, Martha

Melissa Miller said...

Oh my gosh Jenny! How could you stand that smelly gas bag for the entire show. How rude of him! I would have switched seats with my hubby. Ha!

Enjoy this joyous season!
~Warmly, ~Melissa :)

... said...

so sorry missee, but you had the best feller on the other side of you!

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

I don't feel very Christmasy myself, today, so I think I'm going to pop in a CD and listen to MY favorite song too!!

Noelle said...

things that make you go, "hmmmmm..." yeah, like that meathead.

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