Sunday, July 25, 2010

Spam much?

OK, you know how you call customer service and they won't let you talk to a real person until you sign an agreement stating you will fall on a dull sword anytime they request it?

Or...

You know how you call customer service and hang on the line for 18 minutes listening to irritating muzak and then some chick from a third world country who uses English as her fourth language tries to help you and then hangs up on you, accidentally on purpose?

You do know, don't you?

Arrrrggggghhhh!!!!

So apparently after 34 calls and approximately 1/8 of life my expectancy being put on hold by the idiots at my internet service provider, I now know what the problem is...

I am a....

OK, the picture doesn't exactly work...but my internet service provider thinks I am a spammer.

Them: "Mrs. Matlock. You are exceeding your outbound daily e-mail quotas AND since a large number of your outgoing e-mails have the same subject line you have been flagged as a potential spammer and we are freezing all your e-mail accounts." (I'm being nice here and translating for you...actually it sounded more like Meesis Matyock. You ur esseeding, etc.)

Me: "I send a lot of e-mails each day from comments I receive on my blog."

Them: "We don't give a crap. You are a dirty rotten spammer and your account is frozen...blah, blah, blah." (OK, I paraphrased a bit here)

Me: "Look, I need to be able to send e-mails out. I get a lot of e-mails, this is important."

Them: "We don't give a crap. Call our technical department on Monday or figure something out by yourself you moron."

So, I thought I did figure something out and I opened a g-mail account and forwarded comments to there on Friday afternoon. Ummm... yea. That didn't work. Because it screwed up my whole logging into my blog thing.

So after listening to another 12 albums of "Muzak for the damned" today, someone that I could actually understand told me, "Why don't you just get a business account for your e-mail and then you are allowed to send 1,000 e-mails a day? Let me transfer you to the business sales line."

"Ummm. OK," I said, happy at last.

However. After holding for another 3 1/2 years I found out that the business office is NOT OPEN UNTIL MONDAY MORNING.

So...

I am not going to do the drawing for the CSN giveaway (go leave another comment there if you want an extra chance but be aware I won't be answering your comment) AND I am not going to even attempt the final giveaway for Alphabe-Thursday until this mess is straightened out.

I was told today that once they put the business plan into effect it is immediate BUT I don't want to commit to a time frame until I actually see what the business office tells me in the morning.

I'm sorry. I do try super hard to answer your comments because I truly and honestly appreciate the fact that you take time to read by blog...but if you leave a comment on this post or any other from the weekend it might not get answered. I'm sorry.

I've found that if I have about 20 e-mails in my outbox every once in awhile one will slip through BUT since I can't guarantee it will be the reply to YOUR e-mail. Don't feel bad. I still like you and I'm not trying to be rude.

And in apology I leave you with this...

So...a can of spam goes into a bar and sits his rectangular little metal butt down on a stool.

The bartender frowns at him and says "Listen buddy! We don't serve spam here!"

The can of spam says "That's OK I just want a drink."

Ha!

Haha!

Hahaha!

OK, it's official. Too much muzak on hold can make you slightly crazy.

Sigh...

post signature

49 comments:

Cheryl D. said...

What, you might not answer my comment?!? Forget it then, I'm not going to post one. Oh, I already am doing just that. Never mind then! LOL! Sorry your internet provider is being such a jerk!

Cheryl said...

Sheesh. No replies. I'm quitting this following crap right now. It's just not worth my time to leave a comment when I know you're not going to reply. Damn woman, how insensitive can you get?

Cassie said...

Muzak for the damned?! That's a good one! You're just too popular Miss Jenny...you got too many peeps to respond to!
Have a happy week!

Cassie

5thsister said...

LOL at the Cheryls above! Hang in there!

Meri Wiley said...

Okay, I volunteer to stop communicating with you.......ever......
okay most of the time.......
fine once or twice a week but no more........
Ah crap, I'm just gonna' move in wit ya'

Love ya'
Meri

The Words Crafter said...

I'mmmm so sorreeeee Meeeeses Matyok tha' urrrr haveeeeeng soooo mus truuuble....omg, I laughed so hard, I had to get my husband and let him read it. I do hope everything gets straightened out quickly, I hate when mickey mouse crap happens!

Chatty Crone said...

You poor thing! No worries. Get it fixed and then comment - good luck - that is so frustrating.

sandie

Debbie said...

Grrr......I do like Spam and eggs though!

Janet Johnson said...

I won't tell you MY opinion of internet service providers.

Good luck solving the situation!

Sweet Bee Cottage said...

Such a bummer. Hope the new system works out for you......

Loved your Spam joke!

Tina said...

I feel your extreme pain. I run the prayer chain (via email) for our church...and have had quite a few hitches...SIGH (as you say). DO NOT GIVE UP! DON'T LET THEM ASSIMILATE YOU!

LuLu Kellogg said...

Jenny, call 'em back and tell 'em to go suck an egg. Especially if it's Verizon.

Love,
LuLu~*xoxo

Willoughby said...

That doesn't sound like much fun! I honestly didn't know anyone had customer service anymore. Seems companies just don't care much anymore.

I hope it all works out for you!

Jeanie said...

I guess it is too late to just go back to using tin cans and a string, but sometimes I think it would work better.
I deal with a lot of foreign customer dis-service at work so I feel your pain.

Erin Wallace said...

You makde me laught out loud! Funny!

xo Erin

Julie Schuler said...

Overachiever.

Theresa said...

When I saw that can of Spam, I knew it was gonna be a good one:)

You are way too funny for your own good! Don't respond to this email because they are going to come out there and smack you upside the head:) Hugs!

summersundays-jw said...

Thanks for the laugh -- I needed it. Can't wait to tell that joke. Jan

Kim @ Savvy Southern Style said...

Jenny, I love to come read your blog post and get a good laugh. Thanks, I needed that. I hope they get it all straightened out.

Marlene said...

You can skip emailing me, sister...if that'll help ya out. I'd prefer you comment on my blog, anyway! HA HA HA!!! xxoxx

Oops....I meant Meesus Matyock! Bwaaahaahahaa!!!!

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

I think we all hate dealing with those automated systems, but to have them take away your ability to email because they think it might be spam. That is just too much!
Blessings,
Marcia

Annesphamily said...

Jenny Matlock, between you and my sister, you two keep making me laugh. I am waiting until Wedesday to give heck to some people bugging me about unimportant things at a difficult time for my phamily. Argh....
I hope it all works out for you! I think our entire government should be shot for treason turning all our jobs overseas. We have to listen to all this ridiculous Spanish when we live in America. My friends mom is from the Netherlands. When they start their talk with her she starts speaking Dutch!
Those India CS reps named John and Mary kill me! Anne

Lourie said...

Grrrr! How rude of them! Sorry about all the trouble they are giving you!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

You Spamer You! Oh my goodness and I thought answering emails was nice and polite....internet services are evil!

Sarah said...

As Gilda would say, "It's always something!" Sorry to hear you are having problems with the email. You are so thoughtful to respond to every comment and email, Jenny. You are wonderful! And WE ALL KNOW THAT!
~ Sarah

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

Change your name to anonymous and everything will go through...GUARANTEED.

Problem solved.

Unprocessed1 said...

You poor thing! I can relate! Did you get mad and cuss?

I sound like a sailor after that kind of treament!

Laura~DancesWithTeddyBears said...

You're wonderful! I haven't laughed..out loud..in too long a time. I agree with all of it, and still I laugh. After all, there's nothing more important in life than a real good laugh. Yes, you're wonderful!

Slamdunk said...

Yikes, see what trying to do the right thing produces.

The agency I used to work for, was constantly getting blacklisted for being spammers--it is tough to help clients as a consultant when their IP has you listed as a spammer.

Busy Bee Suz said...

You are too much. :) and in a good way.
You might be just one of a handful of folks who reply to each comment. I only do this for those who ask a question, or really crack me up. (LIKE YOU)
Really, you don't always have to reply. I think you are doing too much.
and if you reply to this....well...you know what will happen. ;)

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I know what you mean about the gmail account....I have to sign out of Blogger to use mine. I think if I used the same username that's on my Blogger account, the problem would go away, but I don't want to use that for my email. Grrr. Hope you get some satisfaction with the business account tomorrow.

Vicki said...

OK, this is unanswered comment number thirty one...

SO WHAT!

Plop your Spam butt down and have a drink. It'll all look better in the morning :]

aimee said...

what else can you do but write a post about your experience for all to read. i know ive had to deal with customer service people i could not understand for the life of me. ive had to close my eyes to block out everything in the room so i could focus on what the person from a land far away and cant even be found on a map is saying. so i do feel your pain. you do make me laugh so hard my friend :) so no need to stress over responding to comments. we like you sane.
blessings,
aimee

Country Dreaming said...

I love your emails but you can comment on my blog to if it would help.

Take care!

MelindA

Amy said...

That is pretty darn annoying! I think I would be extremely ready to go postal after listening to that much Muzak. Evidently my realtor invented muzak. Crazy, hu? I just found this out. He invented it, made a crazy amount of money, and then sold it for an obscene amount. He just sells houses for fun. What a life.

Anyway, I have to thank you for that awesome book and the darling material. I can't wait to get started on the quilt. And YOU wrote the book! That was a fun surprise! I love how you write as if you are standing right there, and not stiff at all. And the recipes look divine! Anyways, this is me thanking you profusely. And my mother in law is super impressed with how selfless and kind you are. I told her that is just the way you roll. Thank you again!

DG said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DG said...

this sounds like an awful experience :(

RNSANE said...

You are amazing, anyway, to answer each comment individually. I finally started answering emails individually but in one group post. I just don't see how you manage to do it the way you do and still find the time to go attend to bodily functions, eat, sleep and write a blog! Your portrayal of communications with call centers is hysterical - and haven't we all been there. Of course, having been to India and with at least a hundred close Indian friends, I do pretty well with the accents and in communicating with that part of the world! And, of course, I see all the Bollywood movies.

H said...

My heart always sinks when I have finally trawled through the fifty thousand options to reach a real person and I hear a thick Indian accent. Yes, it's brilliant that they can speak English (I have about 20 words of Urdu - not much use!!), but a disembodied voice is always harder to understand anyway. Throw in a thick accent and...

I agree with everyone above who has said how wonderful you are to reply to all comments! I don't know how you manage :)

beyondbaffled said...

What a pain! This same thing happened to our email years ago when I still lived at home with my parents. My little sister was a cheerleader and she ran her own cheer website. She had quite a following so we got flagged and all of our email accounts got temporarilly shut down. And she was young too - we're talking elementary school and junior high age. We had no idea there was an "email limit" per day.

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

-waves hand- I got that "we won't send your mail because..." too.

-I blew my stack, by myself.
-I switched to one of my numerous other email addys.
-Put my name and name of person I was sending to, in Subject Line... and Sent from there.
-Went to Twitter to alert her, of change in email addy.
-Twitter was down and had the "Fail Whale" up. Murphy's Law???
-But being a smart gal, she figured it out and all was well.

Lesson... Have many email addys to use!!!!!!! :-)

2nd Lesson... Never try for help from Support! -grin-

lissa said...

fun post, you certainly have a sense of humor about so that's good

and btw, do you know your call is being monitor while you're on hold? which I think it's just odd, I mean you're on hold, you're not saying anything and yet someone is listening to while you're being on hold

I lean that from a tv show but who knows if that's true for all companies

Jingle said...

what a witty title...
I can relate to some of the experiences.

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/07/25/thursday-poets-rally-week-25-poetry-awards/

three poetry awards,
plus two general...
I know you write poetry at times.
have fun!
Happy Monday!

Aging Mommy said...

That's crazy - I have a yahoo email account and there are no limits on the emails I send or receive each day and it's free. Maybe you need a different service provider.

As for the hanging on the line thing, if you keep pressing 0 every time a prompt comes up most systems will curl up and die after a while of this and put you through to a real person. It works for me nearly every time. Don't ask me how it works, someone once told me about it, but it does!

Andrea said...

Love the joke! I am with you on the third world country people on the other end of the phone. I spend more time trying to figure out what they are saying to me than I do getting across to them my problem!! ARRRGGHHH!

Bonnie said...

Love the Spam joke.. I will have to remember that one. You are so funny and clever!!!

Deb said...

I understand where your coming from with the being on hold...I spend half of my life on hold....and they tell you over and over again how important you are ....and we will be with you shortly...and then before I know it I'm yelling at the little voice....telling them I don't believe a word they are saying..

Serline said...

Nothing more I can add to sooth your pain, save for this little bit of trivia: here in Asia, we have our own version of spam called "Luncheon Meat". Yup, to poor deprived starving masses, mashed industrial meat byproduct is a bit of a delicacy...