Friday, July 9, 2010

You might want to sit down...

I have a bit of bad news.

OK.

Be brave now.

Please.

This is going to be hard for some of you.

Deep breath.

I don't think I will be starting my chicken sitting empire anytime soon, which means that franchise opportunities will not be available for a very long while.

Did you miss the chicken sitting franchise post? Seriously? OK. Go read it and come back please. Just click here. We'll wait.

Wow. You are a fast reader.

And since you came back so quickly I'm certain that you, too, are now excited about the possibility of joining the chicken sitting world.

But don't be.

I got a call from Canada yesterday. Sadly it wasn't about someone there wanting to give me some socialized medicine. Sigh.

But.

It did involve some devastating and dream wrecking chicken news.

The lady I am watching the chickens for went on a vacation to Canada for a month, thus the need for me to watch her five little squawkers. Her husband is leaving this morning and has been chicken sitting.

I don't think he has been very good at it, though.

Because she was calling to tell me that four of the chickens were dead. And that the fifth wasn't doing too well. She was crying.

I wanted to tell her that things like this often happen when you use free, untrained help instead of employing paid, professional chicken sitters.

I wasn't sure about the correct phrase to console someone about their chickens demise. If the franchising empire starts up again I will have to work on that phraseology for "just in case".

She started crying harder when I told her that eggs would be on sale at the store again someday, so I figured it might be better to just shut up.

And, to be honest, I admit I might have just been a little insensitive because I hadn't really bonded with the chickens yet.

I felt guilty for making her cry harder, so I told her I would be happy to go feed the remaining chicken in the morning.

She was grateful.

She told me I might want to check if it was still alive before the Granddaughters got upset seeing a dead chicken.

This is totally not working out.

In addition to wrecking my dream of a new business, I will now have to buy eggs AND possibly console weeping little girls about a dead chicken.

Sigh.

PS. No real chickens were hurt in that picture. They are rubber chickens. AND I didn't really tell that her about eggs being on sale. That would be totally insensitive and crass. And I would never, ever, ever be totally insensitive and crass to a woman with dead chickens. So there!








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34 comments:

Ms. Anthropy said...

I love chicken and dumplings, but I swear... I didn't do it!

5thsister said...

Hmmmm. Somethings a-fowl. I will stew upon this and see if I can crack the case of their mysterious demise.

Terra said...

um, yes - that was tough to swallow. Thankfully I am allergic to eggs and could care less if they come from her chickens or a mass farm...however I do hope the grands get to help a little and maybe the last chicken is nursed back to health because that would be fun for them!

ain't for city gals said...

At least it happened before you took over...you would never recover.

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

-chuckle- But you really need some sort of signs/scale on your posts, right at the top. 'Cause most sound "over the top" and like we just can't believe a word you say. [I know! It's poetic license! I get it! -grin-]

But! What if someday you had something to say, which you really wanted us to take SERIOUSLY?!? And after all your poetic license, we went away, laughing our heads off? Instead of agreeing with you or consoling you or something? Eeeeeeeeek...

Me'thinks you need a scale for entries. Like from "WAY Out There."
To "Honest, Cross My Heart & Hope To Die."

>,-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Ace said...

In defense of the unpaid, unprofessional chicken sitter....it was probably the heat that did them in. Chickens sometimes aren't able to tolerate extreme heat.

summersundays-jw said...

You better hope that last one doesn't die because you'll have to deal with the carcass so the g'children aren't traumatized. Good luck! Jan

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Best of Luck keeping that last one alive until she returns! Maybe she can bring back some medication for the chicks since it's so much cheaper up there!
:-)

Happy Chicken Sitting!

Theresa said...

Dang Jenny, You know my husband just retired and we were ready for that franchise! You have got to keep that one chicken going... perhaps take some more chickens to keep it company!

Have a blessed day!

HUGS!

LuLu Kellogg said...

I never care for anyone else's animals since I am so afraid something like this could happen! Oh Jenny, I hope the other one makes it.

LuLu♥

Julie Schuler said...

Wow. I would just be glad I wasn't responsible for their untimely demise. Maybe she should get a chicken tattoo in their honor?

Busy Bee Suz said...

I think I would have cried as well...poor chicken lady.

You? You crack me up.
I expect you to spend the entire weekend working on your phraseology
for when this happens again. :)
hugs, Suz

Pondside said...

Just be glad that they didn't die on your watch, because I have the feeling that you might have been sued.
Re our plan for the house swap - you will have to have some considerable chicken-sitting experience beforehand. Chickens can be fragile creatures, and one night of an unlocked coop can mean a morning spent scraping, er, um, chicken bits off the coop floor.
And no, there is not a market for chicken feather.(I already checked)

Jeanie said...

I guess I can now go on a big (or small) shopping with the money I had set aside for franchise fees and stock purchases. Big dreams die hard.

Wanda..... said...

Were there even any chickens to start with, Jenny? Sounds like a "Chicken Little" tale to me!

I agree with Aunt Amelia, we can't believe a word you say! :)

I was going to have chicken salad today, but your "dead chickens" have me thinking differently, but that's OK, don't feel bad!

♥...Wanda

Jewel said...

Would it help matters, if I told you chickens are fragile creatures, especially when they are younger. At least, that's what I have been told, therefore why I don't have chickens myself.

Jewel

Colleen - the AmAzINg Mrs. B said...

wow...glad it wasn't on YOUR watch..that would give us chicken-sitters a bad name...my girls (the neighbor's chickens that I sit for) have been sooo cooperative to actually LIVE the whole time..now, I'm feeling a little, uh...chicken about chicken-sitting..

Marlene said...

Maybe the heat did the poor clucks in. I think, in order to avoid the potential premature demise of the last standing clucker, you ought to think about bringing it inside. You know, just to be on the safe side. It can follow you around like my dog follows me. Just be careful not to fry any eggs in it's presence. You might get a good peckin' for that.

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Aw, the poor things! Now I'm not so sure I want to keep chickens anymore. Where is Mary Jame Butters when you need her?

Jo said...

awe, poor things ... maybe the heat fried them? and totally do not take the grands there ... the weeping ... oh the weeping that will occur ...

Unknown Mami said...

Dang, this does not bode well for your chicken sitting empire. Perhaps you could start a chicken mortuary.

Flat Creek Farm said...

So sad! After a near-fatal mishap with one of my chickens this morning (escapee).. I can sooo relate. All is well at our house, but I'm so sorry for this chicken keeper that you speak of :(

Sandy said...

Jennie youa re a nut! LOL Hey, that little "canned ham" is still there on the corner by my freind's house....did you go look at it?????
It sure is cute.......

Cheryl D. said...

Wow, who knew that taking care of chickens required any effort? I guess chicken sitting isn't for me.

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Oh no! What a twist of fate! Here I was all ready to be your FIRST Franchise and now my dreams are dead, dead as the chickens it seems. Really that is sad, wonder why they died like that. Well Miss Jenny let us know the fate of the last remaining chicken.

Chatty Crone said...

Oh that is sad - good luck tomorrow. We watched a cat once that died under our care - it was not easy to tell the family! sandie

The Words Crafter said...

I'm very sad about the little chickies. *pouting* And I'm also sad that you won't be the new chicken empress...maybe next time. (Hey, do you think someone recognized the ingenuity of your plan and led a coup in an effort to thwart your next move?)

laterg8r said...

poor chickens - sound like tons of work!

RNSANE said...

Very sad about the chickens....I wonder what caused their death? Hope it isn't something that could spread to humans. That would be scary.

I haven't heard from you about the poetry books. Did you think better of the idea?

Sue said...

*sigh*

I venture over to Jenny Matlock's blog of joy for a note of cheer, and instead I'm presented with dead chicken stories!

Reluctant as I am to rain on your fowl parade, my dear, the point simply must be made that some of us are fragile...(perhaps not as fragile as the Canada lady's chickens, but fragile nonetheless).

In the future, might it be possible for such potentially traumatizing posts as these to be flagged in some manner? Your consideration would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

PS. May I suggest that a phrase of consolation at once comforting and euphemistic might be fashioned along the lines of "chickens going home to roost" or the like? Feel free to utilize this suggestion either in part or in its entirety. (My reputation for generosity with intellectual property is not exaggerated.)

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Jenny, is this for real???

You gotta tell me, those chickens didn't die did they???

If so, shades of Jr. High and B-Chicken. Don't ask!

XO,

Sheila

My name is PJ. said...

Chicken parmigiana, chicken fricasse, roast chicken, fried chicken, beer can chicken, chicken with 40 cloves of garlic, arroz con pollo, chicken salad, chicken soup.....

...somehow each of those is more special than just plain old 'dead chicken'.

Poor, poor Matlock....

Lourie said...

I was at the movies!

Poor chickens. Poor lone chicken wondering where her chicken friends are.

Amy said...

hilariously funny. I always love your posts and humor. Now I have to go eat an egg. A cheap on sale kind.