I sat entranced in the dark...

...with bouncy hair (hopefully you read that trick on my blog a little while back because it truly works).

I was prepared to feel Christmas.

I was prepared to feel culture.

And I did, a little bit, although it was slightly uncomfortable.

The seats we had purchased to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra this afternoon were decent. However, the man next to me was ... ummm... OK, Jenny, be tactful. Ummm.... very, very, very large.

Now look, I'm not throwing any weight stones cuz Heaven knows they would bounce off and hit me back but this man was seriously huge.

But I was determined to be positive and feel Christmas so I snuggled extra close to my sweet husband who smelled wonderful and was wearing my favorite old, denim shirt that was velvetty and soft.

The lights went down. The music came up. And I felt this weird vibration thing from the guy next to me and all the sudden I thought I was going to die. Holy laser light show! Did this guy eat an entire pot of chili by himself. I hoped it was a one-time thing.

It was not.

Oh, but I tried and tried to feel Christmas-y.

When the laser lights twinkled on the falling snow I felt the stirrings of memory...and then I felt something else and HOLY SPECIAL EFFECTS! all my nostalgia left me.

I leaned closer to my husband and inhaled the wonderful smell of his clothesline dried shirt.

OK, that was better.

But to sit super close to my good-smelling husband I had to sit sort of a in a twisted, writhe of a position that was not very pleasant.

And the show went on and on and on.

Sure the narrator had that marvelous deep voice that takes you back to what you wish you remembered your Great-Grandfather sounding like.

Sure the music was cool.

Sure the lasers were amazing.

But, honestly, I was just sitting there engulfed in this foul-smell.

There were no other seats to move to.

The mans wife kept hitting him.

I wanted to hit him, too, but I was afraid violence would release even more gas.

And then they wrapped up the Christmas portion of the program.

Seriously, I had lots of things I wanted to remember to write about how the audience became one in the mesmerizing purity of the notes and blah, blah, blah...

But old smelly wasn't letting me get into any of that.

Then one of the announcer-guys of the program said that they were going to share some of the new music from their new CD.

And all the sudden not only was it smelly it was scary. It was dark, dark music with red pulsing laser, and girls writhing on the ground with lots of blond hair getting violently flipped about and huge TV screens with helicopters hovering and fire flaming up all over the stage.

And I lasted through one song and told my husband that I felt like I was having a bad acid trip.

Which is a funny remark coming from me because a) not only have I never taken acid or any other drug even though I was a teenager in the 70's and b) I have never taken acid or any other drug.

But it seemed like what I imagine a bad acid trip would have been like which makes me quite happy that I never experienced either a) or b).

So we headed out.

Went to the bathroom with no long lines.

And when we walked out of the restrooms they were playing my favorite, favorite Christmas song... the one set to Canon's Pachelbel. And there was no political protest stuff on the big TV screens, the blonde chicks had brushed or otherwise contained their long flowing locks and all the fires had been extinguished.

So we listened leaning against the wall and my husband put his arm around me and was all snuggly and sweet smelling and the air around me was as fresh and pure as a pine glade in Colorado.

And I was finally happy.

Because I finally felt Christmas.

The end.


Oh, and don't forget to check out of my giveaway posted on yesterdays post. which you can get to by clicking "older post" right below this or clicking anywhere on the link!