Step 2. Borrow your son's truck and his three daughters and load the bed of the truck up at 8:39 am.
Step 3. Begin handing out food from picnic lunch 13 minutes into your drive North.
Step 4. Drive farther north. North, north, north. To where the pine trees rise up from rocky red earth and the saguaro cacti disappear from view. North, north, north. To where the meringue of clouds sits beautifully atop the Mogollan rim. North, north, north. You can observe the temperature gage drop in front of your eyes...108 degrees to 105. 103, 101, 98, 95, 92, 87, 85 and finally 72 degrees. An announcement to be accompanied by cheers of five people anxious to escape the sweltering heat if only for a day.
Step 5. While watching the temperature gage fall, put cotton balls in ears so they do not bleed from hearing the word "Grandma, Grandma, Grandma" uttered approximately 237.5 times per child per hour! Sing songs. Talk. Sing songs. Talk. Feed them more things from the picnic basket. Talk.
Step 6. Stop at visitors center to use outhouse-style restrooms. Discuss contents at the bottom of the toilet shaft. Discuss why it smells bad. Wait with littlest child for a long, long time in smelly outhouse-style restroom while husband and two older girls wander around visitor center. Haul little blond girl out of restroom to see an impatient line of 16 knees-clenched-together glaring women.
Step 7. Arrive at lake number one at 10:28 am. Exclaim at how wonderful the air smells. Attempt to catch butterflies. Go for a hike. Try to discourage little girls from wanting to eat lunch. Talk. Sing songs. Repeat Step 6 with minor variations.
Step 8. Arrive at lake number two. Exclaim at how wonderful the air smells. Give up on diverting little girls from eating lunch. Feed little girls. Feed little girls some more. Put food away. Repeat Step 6 with minor variations.
Step 9. Play in lake. Throw rocks. Discuss the possible need to repeat Step 6. Play in lake some more.
Step 10. Return to picnic area.
Step 11. Eat lunch again and repeat Step 6 with minor variations.
Step 12. Load up car and drive up bumpy dirt road.
Step 13. Test heart and stress stamina while standing on rock-ledge overlook.
Step 14. Pass time driving on bumpy dirt road by listening to Mr. Jenny tell stories of grizzly bears and washing the skunk smell out of dogs with tomato juice.
Step 15. Return to a civilized road. Repeat Step 6 EXCEPT conduct this step beside road with all three girls.
Step 16. Stop at DQ to feed three starving girls. Repeat Step 6. Sigh...
Step 17. Drive back to the Valley of the Sunstroke and pass time by telling an epic 1 hour 45 minute saga of living on a farm and finding baby animals hidden in the garden including, but not limited to, 6 sparkly puppies, 3 tiny white kittens, 3 baby foxes and 1 baby goat. Feed little girls from remnants of picnic lunch suitable for 17 truck drivers.
Step 18. Drive south, south, south and watch the temperature climb up, up, up .... 75 degrees to 80. 82, 86, 89, 93, 97, 104, 110. An announcement to be accompanied by the groans of 5 people who are not anxious to return to the sweltering heat.
Step 19. Swap truck filled with little girls and muddy shoes with son and his wife at 5:47 pm.
Step 20. Drive home in stunned silence.
And that, my friends, is how you escape the heat in Arizona.