Monday, January 9, 2012

How NOT to sell a patio set on Craigs List!


Mr. Jenny and I are moving.

And in the process of the move, we decided to sell a very large patio set that resides on our far back, back patio. You can access the far back, back patio from the main yard but there is also a large gate in the far back, back yard that leads to an alley that we own.

When I listed the set on Craigs List, Mr. Jenny and I talked about how we would have to have the buyer load it out of the alley…


A guy called on my cell and said he wanted to see the set.

Since I’m still tuckered out from my little battle with strep, Mr. Jenny told me he would handle it and that I should just go to bed.

I gave him my cell phone, got into my flannel nightgown and went to bed.

After the doorbell rang, I heard Mr. Jenny talking to the potential buyer. I figured Mr. Jenny took the buyer into the far back, back yard to show him the patio set because Oskar, the weiner dog, had a barking fit.

But after a bit, he quit barking.

So…I dozed.

I awoke a brief time later to hear Oskar, the weiner dog, barking.

And barking.

And barking.

Not wanting to get up and get dressed, I called my cell phone…

… but Mr. Jenny didn’t answer.

And Oskar, the weiner dog, kept barking.

And barking.

And barking.

I called my cell phone again and Mr. Jenny finally answered.

He was all breathless.

And panting.

And I said, “What the heck are you doing? Oskar, the weiner dog, is barking and barking. Did the guy buy the patio set?”

And Mr. Jenny said, “I can’t talk now, I’m chasing horses!” and then he hung up on me.



We don’t own any horses.

As I was laying there trying to puzzle this out, the house phone rang and it was Mr. Jenny calling me from my cell phone. He sounded even more breathless. “Quick! Get dressed! Come help us catch these horses!”

So I quickly got dressed and went into the far back, back yard by the far back, back patio.

Nobody was in the yard, but the gate was wide open.

When I walked back to look through the gate I saw our alley was filled with horse poop, a man I’d never seen before, and a crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair holding a leash. I also saw a huge black dog running my way.

“Acccckkk!!!!” I screamed to the man I’d never seen before. “Get your dog! Get your dog! Oskar, the weiner dog, will get into a fight! Get your dog!”

The man I’d never seen before yelled, “It’s not my dog! Who are you?”

“Whose dog is it?” I yelled back, “And who are you?”

The crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair starting screaming, “It’s my dog! Why did you let my horses out?”

The huge black dog took off running through the far back, back yard heading toward my house.

I yelled at the crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair, “Get the dog, get the dog!” but she just stood there swearing at me.

The man I’d never seen before took off running toward the house to catch the huge black dog.

The crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair starting screaming at me, “Why did you let my horses out!”

I started yelling back at her, ‘This is our alley! Why are your horses in our alley anyway?”

Just then a big horse came running in through the open gate of the alley, interrupting our squabble.

Mr. Jenny came puffing up the alley behind the horse looking winded and red-faced and very annoyed.

The crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair and Mr. Jenny started arguing.

“I asked permission to put the horses back here!” she yelled.

Mr. Jenny yelled back, “You did NOT! I wouldn’t have given you permission to let your horses poop all over our alley!”

The man I’d never seen before came back dragging the huge black dog by the collar.

We all looked at each other, trying to figure out what was going on.

Mr. Jenny said, “Can you help this guy load the table? I need to have a conversation here!” He lowered his eyebrows. I was scared. I never, ever, ever like to be around Mr. Jenny when he is having a conversation with his eyebrows lowered.

I went with the man I’d never seen before to help him load the chairs.

He was laughing really hard and kept saying, “Wow, that’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time!”

I asked him to tell me what had happened. He told me my husband had instructed him to drive around to the alley and he could pull his truck in and they would load the patio set there.

He told me had started driving around to the alley but had seen two horses charge by him followed by my husband chasing them.

He told me had turned his truck around and came back to the driveway to help my husband catch the horses.

He told me the Fed-ex driver had stopped at the end of our street and jumped out to chase the horses.

His eyes were big and wide. He looked delighted.

“And,” he added, “I got a perfect patio set, too!”

Mr. Jenny finally came into the far back, back yard and closed the gate. He was still all red faced.
We finished loading up the table.

And then we stood in the front yard and talked about the horses and the crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair.

The guy who bought the table said, “You two women were both scary! You were yelling at me to get my dog but it wasn’t my dog but I was afraid to tell you it wasn’t my dog AND I was afraid to tell the crazy looking horse lady to get her dog…so I ran after the dog anyway!”

Mr. Jenny said, “You didn’t have to run after the dog, because I locked Oskar, the weiner dog, in the house!”

I said, “I didn’t know Oskar, the weiner dog, was locked in the house. Now I’m embarrassed. I apologize!”

The guy who bought the table said, “Don’t apologize. I should pay you extra for all that fun! That was the most exciting thing that happened to me in a long time! What happened with the ticked-off lady?”

Mr. Jenny said, “Oh, she’s calm now. She thought we were the other neighbors who told her she couldn’t have horses and she thought they owned the alley so she was just letting the horses poop in there, but she’s going to clean up the poop and put up a fence.”



After chatting and laughing some more the guy who bought the table said, “I hate to go, but if you have anything else to sell let me know, okay?”

And Mr. Jenny and I went inside and let Oskar, the weiner dog, out and sat down to recover.

But since this happened on Friday, Mr. Jenny’s had to go to work and when he went back into his office to get on a conference call he left me all alone with nobody to talk to about the whole crazy episode.

And because…

I couldn’t stand not hearing the other side of the story...

...and I'm just a teensy bit of a trouble-maker...

I jumped in the car and drove around the corner to the house of the crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair.

And I knocked on her door...

To be continued…

(Hey, leave me alone. I have a boring life so I have to stretch out the telling of any psuedo-interesting tale as much as possible…)

PS. All the pictures were taken on Saturday...which is why the gate is closed and the horse is just standing there in the picture. The other horse was shy and wouldn't come out from around the shed. The gate behind the horse leads to the street that the horses ran down. The horse poop is real. And stinky.
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vivian said...

OMG!! thank you so much for starting my day with a good laugh! that is so awesome!! cant wait to hear the rest.. why are you making us wait????? hurry hurry!

JDaniel4's Mom said...

Why were the horses there again?

J. Kwiatkowski-Schuler said...

Moving, and engaging in commerce, and chasing horses... wow!

Terry said...

OMG...Apparently I lead a very boring life! LOL

Theresa said...

Oh dear Jenny, You make me double over first thing in the morning... laughing my head off:) First of all, I didn't know you were moving! Staying in the same area or coming to Georgia? Second, why didn't I get to buy that nice patio set and get in on all of the fun, horsepoop, barking dogs, crazy screaming ladies, fun-fun-fun! Have another fun day, hope you feel better! HUGS!

Terra said...

I am still stuck on the Mr Jenny and I are moving...and I can't believe a horse was living in your alley and you didn't know it and well, I am glad it all happened at your place not mine!

Amy said...

Oh Jenny, you are starting to sound like my inlaws! Nothing is ever just straight forward and normal for them. I'm always afraid to take trips with them because of the crazy stuff that always happens! Great story!!

Vicki/Jake said...

Ah horse pucky! What fun, can't wait to hear the other side:)

Viki said...

Did I miss something? Have you mentioned before that you are moving?
Mr. Jenny must be in pretty good shape that he could be chasing horses LOL. Can't wait for the rest.

mub said...

Oh gosh I am DYING from laughter! I can't wait to hear part 2... haha!

Paula ~ castleandcottagesigns said...

Never EVER a dull moment at the Matlock abode!! too funny!!

Karen S. said...

Oh my goodness I'm not sure which story I want to hear continued first! Who is this crazy red-haired lady? a new neighbor? or some scary housesitter, or squatter as they called them years and years ago, when people took over land just by being there...and the mysterious other neighbors, that crazy red-haired lady wanted to annoy? Horses secretly hidden? How does that happen! Oh this is exciting stuff for sure...are you sure you really want to move...or maybe need to get out of Dodge faster yet!!! All exciting stuff!!!! Don't keep us hanging too long OkAY!!!

Nonna Beach said...

Wowee,that was a whopper of a good tale and a perfect cliffhanger too ! Can't wait to read the rest of it.
It's true what they say about Craig's List, something weird always happens when you list on it !!!

Monica said...

Hahahaha! Can't wait to hear the rest of the story!

Pondside said...

You're moving?

Jenny - somehow that story is just so very Jenny Matlock. First, it wouldn't' happen to anyone else, ever.
Second, if it ever did, they'd never be able to tell it like you have!

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

You made me realize how boring my life excitement here.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the story.

Did I miss something? I didn't know you were moving. Are you moving in the area or someplace else?

Judie said...

Good idea to move! That place is definitely too big for you if you didn't know there were horses living back there!!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny I can always count on you for a good laugh. Can't wait to hear the rest of the story. hugs, Linda

It's All Connected said...

Can't wait for part II! ~ Maureen

Jo said...

OMG! what did you do???? and what a great post, it sounds like such fun ... well, kinda .... and what about those lemon tree's ... and when and where are you moving to??? inquiring minds want to know!

taylorsoutback said...

Sure hope Part II comes around quickly - hilarious and a great start to this Monday!

We have a complete bunk set with desk, chair and night table to sell...I can hardly wait to put it on Craig's List - and we have horses right up the road.

You are a hoot, Miss Jenny!!!

Barbara F. said...

Horse poop, if you step in it, lol, brings good luck. This is some story. Something for the show Funniest Videos! xo

Leovi said...

I would definitely love to have a large yard to put a package so attractive.

Ms. A said...

Jenny, that's a lot of excitement to go through while you are sick. Did it make you feel better, or worse?

You're moving?

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

You really have to watch out for crazy wild-haired horse ladies...




Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

Oh, so many questions! I'm sorry you've been sick. Moving? Where are you moving? Downsizing? Upsizing? Getting away from crazy neighbors? Plus, I can't wait to hear the rest of the horse story. My next to last post when I quoted my husband, I thought of how you could have written an entire post on just the few words my husband said.

It was certainly a Jenny/hubby moment.

Dazee Dreamer said...

You have all the fun stuff happen to you. and I can't wait to hear "The Rest Of The Story"

Also, I'm so sorry that I haven't been so good at doing the Saturday Centus lately. Please forgive me. And don't give up on me. OK. Ok. Phew, now I feel better.

Nezzy said...

Girl, I don't have to tell ya that ya didn't need be be out there chasin' horses when your fightin' strep but this was the best thing I've read all day.

I'm sittin' here all by myself laughin' like a tickled hyena. Even sick, girl your funny.

God bless and take care of yourself...feel better and stop chasin' critters! Heeehehehe!

Sue said...

Okay. Your life has officially become surreal.

And hilarious.

And where are you moving to??


Country Dreaming said...

Honey, you don't have a boring life! I read this to Mr. Ken--he got quite the chuckle from it. He is waiting for more!!!

Thanks for the laughs.
Come by Dreaming sometime.


Holly said...

I feel left out, chasing horses is my specialty. I even do yaks, goats, and chickens. Practice makes perfect and I've had way too much practice. Maybe that's why it was your turn. LOL. Get feeling better soon.

Sandy said...

LOL LOL LOL you get the point???? Oh my sides hurt! Too funny, when are we goign to lunch??????? Love, Sandy

GardenofDaisies said...

Oh my goodness, Jenny. Maybe it's a really good things you are moving far away from pooping horses and wild red headed ladies! LOL!!

Wait... how many yards did you say you had?
Back yard.
Back Back yard.
Far Back Back yard.
Beyond Far Back Back yard.
Past Beyond Far Back Back yard.
Way Past Beyond Far Back Back yard.
Outer Limits Way Past Beyond Far Back Back yard.
(Sorry, I just had to do that.)

Anonymous said...

Replace horse with goat, and I could play the part of Crazy Goat Lady! Sounds like a lot of excitement. I can hardly wait for the rest of the story.

Anonymous said...

Oh, my goodness! Sweet Jenny that will be a sale you won't forget for a long time if ever. I love the way you write about things that happen in your life. Can't wait to hear the rest of this. Hugs

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

Wow! Your life reads like an action story and I am exhausted. At first I thought you were gonna say that Mr. Jenny got abducted by some guy who came to buy your patio set. Much better to deal with crazy red headed horses and women and barking wiener dogs. Glad you sold your patio set and had a big adventure in the process. Now go take a nap. Okay, I'll go take a nap. I deserve it after living through this (vicariously) with you!

Ames said...

Really? You mean you weren't going to throw in the "hanging from a cliff" prompt? You weren't being chased up a tree by a big black dog? Left hanging for dear life like you were "hanging off a cliff?" ((snicker)) And then maybe you lost your grip and fell into a big steaming pile of.. poopie? ((snicker, snicker)) While wearing your flannel Little House on the Prairie night gown? ((snicker, snicker, snicker))
Sounds like a real dog and pony show to me. :D

anitamombanita said...

I kept expecting to read that this was all a bad dream resulting from a strep induced fever...or that this was take 2 on your cliff hanger prompt... Crazy. Hope ur new neighborhood is a little calmer.... And can't wait to hear how it went with the crazy redhead lady. :)

Gattina said...

What a story ! I never had a horse in our backyard but a cow and I can tell you be happy with horse poop !

H said...

What a laugh!! I can't wait to read part 2 and see what the crazy woman with the wild red hair has to say!

To where are you moving?

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

Hilarious...almost 'other worldly! How do you have strep and I don't know? Feel better soon. I start liquids today.

beckyp said...

if only my life could be this interesting

Terri said...


You're moving??? Where to?

Akkk! I loved the story. My favorite character is the crazy wild haired lady. I think my kids call me that at school.

{ L } said...

Jenny, no one writes stories that makes me laugh the way you do! LOLOLOL Wow! What an unexpected adventure. This is so crazy and funny.

And you're moving?! Where?? to read part 2...but I'm scared lol. Hopefully there are no lowered eyebrows in part 2. ;)

Busy Bee Suz said...

Wait, you are moving???? What???
This is the most exciting story I've read in a long time...I want to live vicariously through you. And Oskar.
Hope you are feeling better!

Pat Tillett said...

WOW! Now that's entertainment! I'm sorry it happened, but I was hanging on every word! Now I'm off to read part two!

Amy said...

edge. of. my. seat! Wow, this is funny. So very funny. I am sure it was horrifying in the moment, but I agree with the buyer, that would be a whole lot of fun. And what a vindictive lady she is!