Tuesday, January 10, 2012

How NOT to sell a patio set on Craigs List! Part 2!

Here's part one of this ridiculous story...just in case you missed it and you have absolutely nothing else to do!
...
...

But before I start this part I'm going to be one of those people that have to go back and tell you something they missed telling you in the first part of their story.

Sorry. I'm forgetful like that.

Ummm...

What was I gonna say?

Oh yeah.

Now I remember...

I forgot to tell you that when you go out of the gate in our far back, back yard there is a second gate in the alley that goes out to the street.

When Mr. Jenny went into the alley from the gate in our back, back yard, he was quite surprised and puzzled over the horse poop all over the place.

When he was opening the padlock into the street he felt something by his shoulder and turned his head to see a horse. The horse pushed by him and pushed the gate open and ran out. Before Mr. Jenny could figure out what was happening the second horse dashed by him.

Then as he was running out the gate to catch the horses, the crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair starting chasing after him and the horses...screaming and swearing..."You let my horses out!" (along with assorted swear words!)

I'm gonna see if I can make Mr. Jenny tell that part of the story himself...but he's watching something vaguely sports-like thing on TV and I think he's busy right now.

hee hee.

This is still making me laugh... Seriously. I really, really need to get out more.


...

Now...part two officially continues...



I knocked again.

No answer.

Hmmm…

I decided to knock really, really loud and when I did the crazy looking ticked-off lady with wild red hair came to the door. Only now she didn’t look quite as crazy. Or quite as ticked-off. She still had wild red hair, though.

She looked a little worried but I smiled at her. “I come in peace,” I said…because I’m moderately dramatic like that.

She stepped quickly forward and hugged me!

Hugged me hard!

I was surprised...to say the least.

“Oh, oh, I’m so glad you stopped over…really, truly…I’m not a bitch! And I was just getting ready to get some butter out and make you and your husband some cookies.”


I am nothing if not reassuring when confronting previously crazy looking ticked-off ladies with wild red hair, especially those that are throwing out the possibility of cookies. “I’m not a bitch either!” I assured her. I hugged her back.

We let go of each other and then we both started laughing.

“I am soooo mad at my husband! He was supposed to come around and tell all the neighbors we were getting horses back here.”

I thought for a moment. “Hmmm… wait a second. Last week the guy mowing our grass said some Russian people came over and said they were getting horses. Was that you?”

She thought for a moment. “Well….hmmm...we’re not Russian but the next door neighbors are Russian.” She pointed to the single other house whose back fence connects abuts our alley. “But,” she continued, “I don’t think they have any horses.”

We puzzled over that for a moment.

Then I asked, “But I don’t understand why your horses are in OUR alley pooping all over.”

She hugged me again.

“Welll…you know these neighbors?” She pointed to another set of neighbors whose side yard adjoins the part of the alley by the street.

“We hate them. They said they didn’t want us to have horses in their alley. But! My husband is a surveyor and he looked up the boundaries and that isn’t THEIR alley at all!”



(for clarity...I made you this wonderful map. You can click on it to make the image larger. ... ... you're welcome!)


Hmmmm…

Cookies versus another argument. I thought hard. Hmmm…. Hmmm…

“Welll…I still don’t understand,” I said in a mournful voice already recognizing there probably wouldn’t be any cookies, “If you knew that was OUR alley why would you let your horses poop in there?”

She hugged me again.

She started sounding pretty aggressive. “Welll…I just really thought that they thought it was THEIR alley. And who was that man YOU were yelling at anyway?”

I was confused. This woman was having more mood swings than me AFTER my hysterectomy but PRIOR to finding hormone replacement therapy that worked.

“Ummm…” I said, edging away from what I perceived as a possible imminent hug. “That was the guy that bought our patio set and I thought he owned that huge black dog.”

“Oh.” She thought. “That dog. That is my Granddaughters rescue dog. We just got him. When we got the horses.”

In full abandonment of potential cookies I forged ahead. “So…anyway…we’re going to need you to put up a fence or something to keep your horses from pooping there in the alley and getting out of the gate when we use it.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. I gulped.

Then she laughed gaily and said, “No problem…I’ll have my son clean up the horse manure and we’ll put up a small fence to keep them in our yard.”

I edged away.

I was getting dizzy. Now I know how people feel when they talk to ME!

“Okay, that’ll be great!” She lunged at me again and gave me another hug. That woman was seriously affectionate.

And now.

Here it is. Monday night…

AND…

There are still horses and horse poop and a huge, black dog in my alley.

And we didn’t get any cookies here.

I did, however, receive a text message from the guy that bought the patio furniture saying…(and I quote)…”Did u chs any horses 2day? Yeehaw!”

Yeah.

So.

Maybe I can get him to bring us some cookies.

And clean up the horse poop.

Sigh…


post signature

45 comments:

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

What, no more cool pictures of horse poop?

One hug= tolerable. 12 hugs= funny farm. Oy.

Gail said...

Too strange and too funny and two good posts!

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I still don't get why the horses aren't in a field somewhere.

Modern Day Disciple said...

OK, you seriously made my morning epic-ally amusing. Thanks for that!

Wanderer said...

We live a very quiet life compared to this funny story! People are so...I don't know what they are but they make me kinda grin and grimace at the same time! Memories! Hope you're move is a happy one. Any chance you're moving to our neck of the woods?

Terra said...

my goodness, I am still glad it was you not me, but I can't even imagine the conversations you and Mr are having about these horses...is it even legal?

ImagiMeri said...

Okay, I'm finally getting around to read blogs again, and I come to yours!!!!! I don't think I have to read anyone elses, as yours has all the drama, comedy, and weirdness of all of them combined.......do you need a hug sweetie?

Please let me know when you're available to get together. You're getting into way too much trouble without my supervision ;o)

I miss you,
Meri

Holly said...

If you weren't leaving, that horse poop would be awesome in your mulch pile. Okay, I'll admit it. I'm always looking to make lemonade out of the lemons strewn in my path. But since you are moving, that manure just equates to an irritation. Good thing it's winter or it would attract flies. Oh my, doesn't life throw us curves.

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

This is so funny --- you should write a sitcom!

Theresa said...

Girl... you got a LOT of hugs from that CRAZY lady:) At least you made a new friend from the patio set sale AND hopefully you will get a fence and poop clean-up! Enjoy your crazy day, HUGS!

Wombat Central said...

Oh, Jenny, thanks for the hearty morning laugh. That story was a scream. Sounds like the Craig's List guy thought so, too. ;D

Nonna Beach said...

I split a gut laughing and might have tinkled a bit too reading this hilariously written story...reminded me of the comic sketch "Who's on First" by Abbott & Costello, right down to the included map...girl, I gotta meet you in person someday before we both get too old !!!

Hugs,
Nonna

My Grama's Soul said...

Oh Jenny....this made me laugh out loud. I'm BIG ON HUGS......DO YOU NEED ONE??? (O:

xo

Jo

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Jenny I'm beginning to think moving is a GREAT idea!! Of course to sell you will have to have the horse poop, horses and black dog out of your alley...oh and watch out for serial huggers, they CAN be dangerous!

edenhills said...

Around here most alleys actually belong to the city and it would revert back to the property owner if the alley were removed or something like that. I'm surprised there isn't a town ordinance or something to prevent the horses from being in the city limits.

Ms. A said...

Thank goodness she hugged you, rather than stab you and toss you in the alley with the horse poop!

Good luck getting some follow through on getting them fenced and cleaning up the poop.

Naperville Now said...

Jenny -- I need more than a map to follow this story!
No one could make this up. Too, too funny.

Judie said...

Save that horse poop for your next garden!!! OR sell it on Craig's list!! Oh, and if you do get those cookies, DON'T EAT THEM!! THEY MIGHT JUST BE MADE LIKE THE CHOCOLATE PIE IN "THE HELP!!"

NatureGirl said...

Are you TRYING to kill us...I am seriously gonna die laughing and I am home alone!

Ames said...

-Hummm, what part of "The alley belongs to us" didn't she understand? She gives red heads a bad rap. :(

You know how company and fish smell bad after 3 days? After 3 days I would be calling animal contol. This woman has avoidance issues. Maybe after she pays to get her horses and dog out of the pound she will either relocate them or start stringing some barbed wire until she can get a fence erected.

There are signs around our neighborhood to pick up after your own pets. Some people don't and they find their own dogs poo slung on their front porch. Just sayin', not that I would ever sling poo!

You definitely have some crazy neighbors. Hope you move somewhere less stressful!~Ames

{ L } said...

Okay, I would stay away from crazy red haired lady. Soooo, is the moral of the story to not sell stuff on Craig's List or to find better neighbors? lol

Pondside said...

Don't eat any cookies that come from the crazy lady's kitchen!
Moving is sounding like a really good idea, as things seem ready to heat up in the old neighbourhood.

anitamombanita said...

1. forget the cookies. At this point I'd be suspicious of what might be in them...Have you seen "the Help"? heehee.
2. stay away from the crazy red-haired lady.
3. make your own cookies.
4. move to another neighborhood.

Oh, but wasn't that how all this started anyway?

5. change your phone number. Who needs wise cracks from the guy who stole your patio set..yes, you probably sold it to him for wayyyy too little $$.
6. Have a great day!

anitamombanita said...

p.s. haha...just read Judie's comment. Amen, sister!! ;)

taylorsoutback said...

I love hugs as much as the next person...but your crazy red-haired lady sounds well...a little crazy.

If she eventually does come bearing cookies...be afraid, be very afraid...

Hope the rest of your week is somewhat less eventful!

Nezzy said...

Who would'a thought the crazy red haired woman would be a hugger??? Heeehehehe!

Sorry ya still have horses and their poop in your ally (its makes great flower fertilizer when dry) and only a promise of cookies. Bummer!!!

God bless and have a great day my friend.

Feelin' better???

Dazee Dreamer said...

Since you mentioned in Chapter One that you are moving, would it be possible for you to move to where I live and be my neighbor. We don't have horses. But we do have deer.

Karen S. said...

it seems you found a friend in the patio table man...he seems normal at least, even if he does heehaw! That was a cool show...! and maybe you really don't want this lady's cookies anyway, right? I mean I would be so totally scared to even try a bite! It's too bad she has kept up her end of the deal....about the poop and fences and all...and soon once you move it will be another person's nightmare...or laugh for the day! Depending on the crazy red-haired lady's mood for the day! Either way it sounds like a fun circus around your neighborhood!

Kathy Felsted Usher said...

How can horses live in a small space like that? Aren't you sort of like a subdivision?

Mary Ellen said...

Jenny I so enjoyed reading your last 2 posts! I had to come and tell you- I usually sneak in and out when I am here.

You are such a great story teller-I wish I had the gift- or funny things like horses and poop happen to me!

bee blessed
mary

Jo said...

oh i think the lady with the wild red hair is seriously crazy ... don't eat the cookies ... if she ever brings them over that is ... lol!

Deborah said...

LOL ... an affectionate nutter, they really can mess with your head! :o)

H said...

Do the neighbours who aren't the Russians without the horses, but claimed they owned the alley, know that crazy red haired lady hates them?

And, you didn't tell us where you are moving to. Not even a breath of a hint!

MaƱana Mama said...

All of that and still no cookies??? Bah. What is the world coming to. Sending you virtual hugs and cookies...

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

So I'm guessing that at this point you are REALLY glad you're moving?!?

J. Kwiatkowski-Schuler said...

What a weirdo! Don't go over there alone anymore.

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

I've heard so many horror stories about Craig's List experiences, I don't think I'll ever have the courage to use it. :)

vivian said...

it is all so funny! I'm thinking that there will be no fence before you move!
sorry about the business and having to move, but you seen like the adventurous type and I just know there are good moving stories coming up!
(((hugs)))
vivian

Pat Tillett said...

That is so darn funny! That lady is something else! I take it by her not doing what she promised, that the story isn't quite over yet...

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

OK...thanks for the map. That helped clear it all up for me.

Amy said...

HAHAHAHA!!! It is always wonderful to find people with a sense of humor, don't you think? Love it. Absolutely love it.

And yah, talk about mood swings!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

That is the weirdest story ever! Not holding out much hope for a poop-free, dog-free alley at this point...

Jennifer Gleason said...

omg that was too funny! i hope you got the horse poop cleared out by now. <3

Judy SheldonWalker said...

What an adventure! And I thought your kids had adventures!!

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